By Deborah Netburn and Joseph A. Kapsch, Times staff writers
Stay home. You love the clubs, but do the clubs love you? They lure you with their VIP areas, and wild party in the limelight, but its not helping. Youre overexposed. Youre under-nourished. You dont get enough sleep. Give it a rest. (Lester Cohen / WireImage.com)
Muzzle mom. Was there any reason your mom needed to work the Georgia Rule red carpet for “ET?” None at all. Should she take Rosie ODonnells spot on “The View?” Heck no! Please dont allow Mama Lohan to go on record likening herself to Lady O. The white Oprah? Not with that orange spray tan. (Jeff Christensen / AP)
Get a paparazzi game plan. You love the cameras, you hate them. Theyre destroying your life, yet you need them. Stop sending mixed messages Lindz! You need a Paparazzi Plan. Red carpet snaps are a necessity for your career. Drunken 3 AM mid-clubbing photos are not. Work the carpet, sneak into the clubs. And surely you cant be that attached to the crab cakes at The Ivy. (John Shearer / WireImage.com)
Reevaluate the friend situation. Its time to ask yourself who took those incriminating cell phone photos of you in the bathroom at Teddys. Someone from the inner circle? You need a healthy crew of real friends. Not backstabbing enablers. With pals like these who needs enemies or frenemies -- whatever you and Paris are calling yourselves these days. (Donato Sardella / WireImage.com)
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Practice hair continuity. Keep the hair color stable. Hollywoods crop of A-list actresses dont change their hair color every other week, unless of course its for an Oscar contender role. Reese Witherspoon, Julia Roberts, Nicole Kidman. We liked you best as a redhead. The blonde made you look washed out. The black was too harsh. Stick with the signature. (AP / WireImage.com / Getty Images)