Surprise caused alarm on birthday

How stupid can you be? The Star News, an L.A. County Sheriff’s publication, reports that a man wearing a mask walked into a bank, prompting a distress call that sent three squad cars racing to the location. The cops halted midway, though, when they were notified that the masked man “was a customer only playing a joke on his wife [a bank employee] for her birthday.”

At least the guy didn’t make everyone lie on the floor.

Speaking of false alarms: Huntington Beach police were alerted to a sighting of “a man on stilts wearing a white suit ... standing behind a tree and taking pictures at 1:35 a.m.,” the Wave newspaper said. The officer who took the call pointed out, however, “that the caller sounded drunk.”

This only appears to be a joke: Cara Seidman noticed a Welfare Country Club while driving through Texas (see photo). In President Bush’s home state, no less? Turns out Welfare is the name of the town.

Roadside curiosities (cont.): In Sandpoint, Idaho, Lawrence Wallin spotted a pair of signs that batted .500 when it came to spelling “tavern” correctly (see photo). Yes, I know. I also wonder if the sign painter was a customer.

Dueling directions: In Riverside, Tom Carnes saw a pair of signs arguing over the availability of parking (see photo).

This won’t be of much comfort to drivers, but at least the signs don’t have any misspellings.

Scary reading: When he received a bill of $2,703 for a book, Frank Barron of Van Nuys said, “I thought I got a rare first edition or maybe a new Harry Potter book.”

Turned out the cost was $27.03 (which is only slightly outrageous these days) (see accompanying).

All the news unfit to print: Standing in line at the supermarket won’t be the same now that the Weekly World News has ceased operation. What a newspaper. It even scooped Southern California papers in 1994 when it revealed that the Northridge quake had “opened the gates of Hell, enabling at least 17 demons to escape from a gaping crack in the Golden State Freeway.”

The Weekly World disclosed that “the fanged, foul-smelling creatures ... fanned out and have been sighted simultaneously in different sections” of the city. I understand most of them have since moved to Oakland, where they became Raiders fans.

miscelLAny: Among the furnishings in Malibu’s historic Adamson House, a ranch-style mansion built in 1929, is a dishwasher from that period. The technology for such appliances was a bit primitive back then, a guide said, adding that the machine’s users often joked that it should more properly be called a “dish breaker.”

Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATIMES, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at [email protected].