NBA gets with the program

If computers, instead of humans, ran NBA teams, the Lakers would draft a lot better, the Dallas Mavericks would be fined a lot less and Shaquille O’Neal would have been benched during last season’s finals.

Lenovo Group Ltd., the world’s third-largest personal computer maker, is assisting the NBA this season with a new statistical measurement designed to show which five players combine to make the best team on the court at any one time.

After analyzing player strengths and weaknesses, the Lenovo Stat determined that the Miami Heat’s best lineup for June’s finals against Dallas was Dwyane Wade, James Posey, Gary Payton, Antoine Walker -- and Alonzo Mourning instead of O’Neal.

Lenovo swears that BCS computers and Paul DePodesta had nothing to do with this program.

And when asked to assemble the best possible five for the 2006-07 Lakers, the computer simply read: “Best of luck this season, Coach Jackson.”

Trivia time

At 7-0-2, the Ducks are off to the best start in their history. What is the team’s previous best nine-game start?

Just share the ball already

Could Keyshawn Johnson coexist on the same team with Steve Smith? How about with Terrell Owens?

These were the questions that dogged Johnson during the off-season before he left the Dallas Cowboys to sign with the Carolina Panthers. Since then, Johnson has cleared up the question about Smith. Johnson has 36 receptions for 460 yards and two touchdowns; Smith has 39 for 576 yards and two touchdowns.

“I’m 34 years old. You think I have time to argue over who gets the football?” Johnson told the Charlotte Observer.

The author of the autobiography, “Just Give Me the Damn Ball,” added, “Give me a break. I’ve already been the Pro Bowl MVP. I’ve already caught balls in the Super Bowl and won the thing.

“I know what confetti feels like coming on your head. I’ve already tasted pineapples. I’ve already led the league in everything. I’m just here to help. I’m a helper, that’s all.

“I let Dwyane Wade do his job or Kobe Bryant do his job, I’ll just sit in the middle like Shaq and do my job.”

Or sit on the bench like Shaq, if Lenovo is making out the lineup.

Paid at last

Johnson said it was money and not the prospect of playing alongside Owens that led to his leaving the Cowboys.

“It didn’t matter if they brought in O.T., T.O., O.L. or anybody else,” he said. “I wasn’t playing for $2 million, it didn’t matter. I wasn’t playing for the Carolina Panthers, the Seattle Seahawks or the New York Giants for $2 million....

“I know what I’m worth and I know what I can do on a football field. You’re going to pay me what I feel I’m worth.”

When the Panthers offered a contract closer to $4 million, Johnson grabbed it, although he claims to have no bitterness toward Cowboys owner Jerry Jones.

“I went to the [USC-]Arkansas game and sat in [Jones’] box,” Johnson said. “Although he didn’t want to pay me to play [for Dallas,] he had to pay me once we stomped on their necks and cut the Hogs in half.”

Trivia answer

The 2000-01 Ducks went 4-2-1-2 in their first nine games. They finished the season 25-41-22-5. The Ducks team that reached the 2003 Stanley Cup finals began that season 2-5-2.

And finally

Gaylord Perry, master of the spitball, offered Kenny Rogers some advice during an interview with the New York Times.

“Pine tar in North Carolina is clean pine tar,” Perry said. “It doesn’t show up. He’s got to get him some of that.”

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