Maybe This Experience Will Teach Him to Stop Complaining

If it’s not one thing, it’s another. The Canyon Life newspaper of east Orange County said that a resident who phoned police to say he was an identity-theft victim was himself arrested. Turned out that once officers learned his identity, they realized he was the subject of an arrest warrant on three misdemeanor charges.

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Diet special? Edna Nichols of L.A. noticed a menu listing for a burger that is evidently served on what her dictionary defined as “a small cube of toasted bread used in soups” (see accompanying). Low in carbs, that’s for sure.

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More food for thought: I knew there were drive-throughs for almost everything in Southern California, but I have to admit that, before I heard from Howard Ran, I wasn’t aware of a shop offering drivers edible mollusks (see photo).

Are customer disputes with the shop settled by clams adjusters? (I had to ask.)

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Speaking of sea life: Ralph Crane of Northridge saw a sign that made him wonder how you spruce up the appearance of a fish (see photo). Give it a few shots of botox to remove unsightly scales?

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Stupid criminal tricks: The Laguna News-Post said that a shoplifter nabbed some alcohol from a market, unaware that plainclothes officers were observing him. He ran outside, setting off the alarm. Then, as he attempted to drive away, he hit another car -- a police car. He was, needless to say, arrested.

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That’s Hollywood! Russ Clampitt watched as “a film crew in downtown L.A. set up an elaborate system of overhead sprinklers suspended from a crane to create a rainstorm and flooding at 6th Street and Grand.” This was on Sunday -- after the seemingly endless days of downpours. Obviously, the real thing wasn’t good enough for the filmmakers.

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Just when we were starting to dry out: Dan Fink of L.A. points out that, at the Walt Disney Concert Hall, the Philharmonia Baroque Orchestra performed a piece that might have stirred memories of the last few weeks in these parts: Handel’s “Water Music” suite.

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And the Oscar for largest city to be snubbed: Long Beach came so close to receiving a plug that would have been heard by millions of viewers during the Academy Awards telecast. In a taped interview at a movie theater complex, host Chris Rock asked one fan if he had heard of “The Aviator,” the film that depicts Howard Hughes test-flying the Spruce Goose over Long Beach Harbor. The best the fan could come up with was that the movie was about a “dude” who flew “a plane at the beach.”

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miscelLAny: Did you notice that “The Aviator” won an Oscar for best editing? This movie was 2 hours and 49 minutes long. What editing?

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Steve Harvey can be reached at (800) LATimes, Ext. 77083, by fax at (213) 237-4712, by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, 202 W. 1st St., L.A. 90012, and by e-mail at [email protected].