A Link Between Dodgers and Chargers: Stiff Arms?

The Micro Manager got a little testy before Monday night’s game and said some pretty dumb things. A lot more than usual.

“How ‘bout those Chargers?” he cackled, and if this is how he’s going to crow after the Chargers win one game, what is he going to be like when the Dodgers clinch the National League West title?

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WHEN I stated the obvious, noting that the Dodgers’ starting pitching is horrendous, terrible and just dreadful, the Micro Manager said, “That’s a matter of opinion,” as if there’s any debate, and then he began to defend what might well be the worst collection of starting pitchers fielded by a playoff team.

The Dodgers could go into the playoffs with Jeff Weaver as their ace, the same guy who was an emotional wreck in New York and surrendered the home run that turned the World Series in the Marlins’ favor in his only appearance.

Who pitches Game 2? Odalis Perez continues to fall apart, throwing a wild pitch to Padre pitcher David Wells with the bases loaded Monday to allow San Diego’s third unanswered run to score and then walking Wells on top of that. It was 5-0 San Diego when Perez finished his four innings of work for the night. Thanks for the memories.

The Micro Manager, meanwhile, continued to talk pitching nonsense. He said Hideo Nomo would start again, and while I kept waiting for him to add, “just kidding,” he went on to say Nomo would pitch in Colorado on Friday. Start warming up the bullpen.

He said every effort was being made to get Brad Penny ready for the postseason, and you would too if you had Nomo in your starting rotation. He also said Kaz Ishii remains an “alternative” if something goes wrong with one of the starting pitchers, and I’d be embarrassed to even mention such a possibility.

Based on Monday night’s results, I don’t think Scott Stewart is a solution.

In the last 30 games the Dodgers have gotten eight wins from their starters, three of those from the stiffs -- you know, Nomo and Ishii. This month the starters have a collective 6.19 earned-run average, and that’s with five games against an anemic Arizona Diamondback attack.

(Factor in how crummy the catchers are as hitters, and the Dodgers have to score more than six runs a game with only seven legitimate hitters in the lineup.)

Just imagine how tense things might be around here if there were any good teams in the division chasing them.

The Micro Manager got downright peeved when I mentioned that, as if the Giants have anything more than two players -- Barry Bonds and Jason Schmidt, and Schmidt hasn’t pitched very well lately.

The Padres, who have spent more time crying about their new ballpark than offering the Dodgers any challenge, have a much better starting pitching staff than the Dodgers, leading one to conclude they simply must lack the character the Dodgers have when it comes to hanging tough.

“We’re a better team than you’re giving us credit,” the Micro Manager said, while coming dangerously close to launching into an “I told you so” speech.

The last time he did that, it was two years ago in Anaheim and the Dodgers were in first place, and Tracy reminded everyone that they didn’t know what they were talking about and he did, and after that the team went into the tank and missed the playoffs.

As horrendous, terrible and just dreadful as the Padres and Giants are, there’s almost no way that’s going to happen, and so the Choking Dogs should be just fine until the playoffs start.

I just worry that when it comes down to starting pitching against playoff teams, the Chargers might already have more wins than the Dodgers will muster in the playoffs. And you know me, I want only the best for our guys.

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SHAQUILLE O’NEAL will appear at the Team LA store at the Universal City Walk on Sunday at 3, and the first 1,000 in attendance will get a free “Thank You, Shaq” T-shirt. Shaq will receive the Make-A-Wish Foundation of Greater Los Angeles’ Superstar Award and will also address the crowd.

No word, though, if he’ll perform his rap song, “You Not The Fightin’ Type,” in which he rips Kobe Bryant. (Remember when the media got blamed for even suggesting there was a problem between Shaq and Kobe?)

By the way, O’Neal’s Miami Heat jersey has been the No. 1 seller at Team LA this summer with Eric Gagne’s jersey No. 2.

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THE TV camera caught Milton Bradley standing in the Dodger dugout Sunday grabbing his crotch, pointing at the field and angrily shouting at someone.

When I asked Bradley about it, he said, “So?”

Bradley said Cardinal pitcher Matt Morris, who wasn’t playing in the game, had said something to him that he didn’t like.

Vin Scully said he saw Bradley make the crude gesture, but said nothing on the air, like everyone else hoping it might have gone unnoticed, especially with the Sunday afternoon audience, which undoubtedly included a number of children.

“I don’t care,” Bradley said.

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THE DODGERS had Bradley pose with the Conejo Valley Little League All-Star team before the start of Monday night’s game, and then passed out a news release announcing that Bradley has been selected to be the guest at “Take a Dodger to School Day” Wednesday -- visiting the kids at Oakwood Academy in Long Beach. I imagine he’ll be talking about the importance of having good role models.

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TODAY’S LAST word comes in e-mail from RL1165:

“Bruins win! Simers still ugly!”

At least I know now anything is possible.

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T.J. Simers can be reached at [email protected]. To read previous columns by Simers, go to latimes.com/simers.