Let’s not get physical

I failed gym in the ninth grade. I got a 25. Out of 100.

I don’t know if it’s because I’m long-limbed and gawky, or maybe it’s because I’m nearsighted and never got those special plastic glasses, but for me sinking a ball in a basket or balancing on Rollerblades is as impossible as hopping in a spaceship and visiting the moon. Athleticism to me is walking to Trader Joe’s to get dinner. Even then I might slip and fall.

So back when I tripped over my last soccer ball in 12th grade PE, I thought my athletic woes were over. From here on out, my plan was to relegate barbaric activities like field hockey and touch football to the pages of books or the television screen. That was, until I started dating. Little did I foresee that my ineptitude in sports would worm its way into my relationships.

I always seem to attract the X-gamers -- guys who are willing to leap upside down across caverns for snowboarding videos, or skateboard down the side of a 30-foot wall. Me, on the other hand, I’m afraid to walk too close to the edge of a hiking trail, let alone race down it on a mountain bike.

As luck would have it, my first serious boyfriend was an expert snowboarder. But he didn’t stop at that. There wasn’t a weekend that passed that didn’t find him chasing down a soccer ball, wielding a lacrosse stick, speeding around town on his racing bike, doing back-flips off his surfboard or skateboarding on the steepest hills in the city. I was perfectly happy to come along with a crossword puzzle and a lawn chair, but that wasn’t good enough. It apparently just wasn’t fun unless I joined in.

I didn’t have the heart to say no. Thus, in the spirit of taking one for the team, I was involved in a series of dubious mishaps that involved me and a skateboard; me and a BMX bike; me and Rollerblades; and, finally, me and a Boogie board, in an incident that ended in my virtual dismemberment (victimized by a razor-sharp barnacle) and near-death by drowning.

The question begs: Just because one person in a relationship enjoys an activity, should the other be required to do it as well?

In commercials, we’ve all seen those couples jogging on the beach or rock climbing. Even an ad for herpes medication features a couple biking.

So do couples that play together stay together?

In a word, yes. My aunt and uncle met while playing tennis on Roosevelt Island in New York City. When they got married, they honeymooned at a tennis resort in Scottsdale, Ariz.

Likewise, a colleague of mine went on an extreme hiking trip in Yosemite with her future husband only two weeks after they started dating. They became enveloped in a freak snowstorm, and the misadventure cemented their fledgling relationship. I know of other couples who surf, skateboard and sky-dive together.

But the key word here is “together” -- quality time is still quality time, even if it involves low-impact activities such as going to the movies or enjoying fine dining, two endeavors that involve little risk of humiliation or death. Unless you choke on your popcorn or spill your souffle in your lap.

That’s why, for those of us who don’t find seeing their lives flash before their eyes to be an aphrodisiac, it’s best to employ a live-and-let-live approach.

So send your athletic boyfriend or girlfriend off to the gym with a kiss and a smile. Then call and make a dinner reservation for two.

Lisa Hirsch can be reached at [email protected].

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