Some Headlines You’ll Never See Again in Your Morning Paper

Have you ever come back to town from vacation and wondered if everything had changed while you were gone? Maybe you even were hoping that big shifts had occurred and that the life you left behind had been radically altered?

Me too.

Usually, it doesn’t work like that. You come back to find the faucet still drips, the neighbors still argue into the wee hours and the kids still like to play bad music really loud.

Having abandoned my post for two weeks, it has been impossible for me to maintain my round-the-clock vigil on comings and goings in Orange County. To catch up, I’ve pored through local papers to see how much the local landscape has changed.

The findings: life in the county seems pretty much as it did two weeks ago. It’s like I never left. Is it asking too much for a little change of scenery around here, for things to go not according to form? For a little excitement?

With that lament in mind, here are the headlines that didn’t appear in the local papers during my absence:

Sierra Club Backs O.C. Tollway Through U.S. Forest

Mo Vaughn Apologizes for Skinny-Dipping in Newport Harbor

Rep. Rohrabacher Infiltrates Taliban, Brings Down Government

Supervisor Jim Silva Proposes El Toro Airport Be Limited to Hand-Held Remote-Control Airplanes

Slushy, Wet Snow Buries Garden Grove Under 8-Inch Blanket

Out of Concrete, Caltrans Suspends O.C. Freeway Repairs

In Career Change, Dennis Rodman Becomes Volunteer Candy Striper

Disney Donates California Adventure to Goodwill Industries

AYSO Bans All Parents at Soccer Games

Larry Agran, Chuck Smith Pool Resources and Open Westminster Rib Joint

O.C. Jail Inmates Serenade Guards for Many Acts of Kindness

High-Flying Rams Petition NFL for Return to Anaheim

Little Saigon Declares War on Vietnam, Sends Troops

Dornan, Sanchez Sign Megabucks TV Talk-Show Deal

Police Rejoice as Krispy Kreme Riot Spills Into Street

Rev. Schuller Finishes Latest Book: ‘Solve Your Own Problems’

Every O.C. Teacher Fired as Test Scores Fail to Satisfy State

Beach Cities Increase Parking-Meter Rates to $15 for 15 Minutes

UCI Students Can’t Budge as Campus Enrollment Surges Past 20,000

County GOP Lures Eminem to Perform at Gala Fund-Raiser

Marines Reclaim El Toro Base

Enough daydreaming. Vacation over. Deal with it, pal. Besides, what would we do without our daily dose of El Toro bare-knuckles fighting. The Marines would never ever take the base back.

Would they?

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Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesdays, Fridays and Sundays. Readers may reach Parsons by calling (714) 966-7821 or by writing to him at The Times’ Orange County edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or by e-mail to [email protected].