NATIONAL FOOTBALL LEAGUE TOP TO BOTTOM

No. Team (Record) Comment

1. St. Louis (5-0) Only an open date can stop the Rams.

2. Minnesota (4-0) Scary number: Culpepper is averaging five yards a carry.

3. Miami (4-1) If Marino knew the Dolphins could play defense, he’d have stayed.

4. Indianapolis (3-1) It’s a lot easier on Manning when the Colts play defense.

5. New York Jets (4-0) They gladly give Wayne Chrebet the damn ball.

6. Baltimore (4-1) City hasn’t seen this many shutouts since Jim Palmer.

7. Tennessee (3-1) Maybe last season wasn’t a fluke.

8. Washington (3-2) Redskins finally earning their money.

9. Oakland (3-1) Come on back, all is forgiven.

10. Tampa Bay (3-2) Is Keyshawn Johnson still on the roster?

11. Buffalo (2-2) Imagine if the Bills could play for four quarters.

12. Denver (2-3) Keys to this team are Shanahan and the trainer.

13. New York Giants (3-2) Ominous weather: Thunder and lightning subsiding.

14. Kansas City (3-2) Elvis lives.

15. Philadelphia (3-2) Can Brian Mitchell keep the Eagles in the running?

16. Detroit (3-2) Suffering from a batch of interceptions.

17. Jacksonville (2-3) Same record as Cleveland. Enough said.

18. Green Bay (2-3) Sometimes he’s Brett Favre, sometimes he’s Ryan Leaf.

19. Dallas (2-3) Emmitt Smith can’t do it alone.

20. San Francisco (2-3) At least the city has a shot at the World Series.

21. Atlanta (2-3) This city doesn’t seem to have a shot at anything.

22. Seattle (2-3) Brock Huard starts at quarterback. Oh boy.

23. New Orleans (1-3) Anybody notice the Saints are playing great defense?

24. New England (1-4) The Patriots were bound to win one.

25. Pittsburgh (1-3) The Steelers beat Jacksonville. So much for this season.

26. Cleveland (2-3) The Browns will be good. Someday.

27. Carolina (1-3) Musgrave got smart, got out.

28. Chicago (1-4) All is not bleak. Rookie linebacker Brian Urlacher is a star.

29. Arizona (1-3) Maybe Michael Pittman can make a difference.

30. San Diego (0-5) Maybe the Chargers could sign Tony Gwynn. He couldn’t hurt.

31. Cincinnati (0-4) Dick LeBeau has taught the Bengals a new trick: scoring.