Rangers Can’t Be Accused of Catching Some Zs

Texas Ranger relief pitcher Jeff Zimmerman was intrigued by the loss of three teammates in winter transactions:

Gregg Zaun was traded to the Detroit Tigers, Todd Zeile signed as a free agent with the New York Mets, and Mike Zywica was taken off the major league roster.

“It was a conspiracy,” Zimmerman told the Fort Worth Star-Telegram. “They thought the Zs had become too powerful and they had to break it up.”

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Trivia time: When Stanford won the NCAA men’s basketball championship in 1942, which school did it defeat in the title game?

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Grrrr! Dick Butkus, Jack Lambert and Ray Nitschke would love this guy:

Brigham Young linebacker Rob Morris at the NFL scouting combine: “If you’re a middle linebacker and you don’t have some blood on your elbow and some snot running down your face, you’re not a true middle linebacker.”

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Lenient ruling: Arbitrator Shyam Das reduced Atlanta Brave relief pitcher John Rocker’s punishment--for publicly insulting everyone in sight--to a $500 fine and a 12-game suspension--out of which he might have played, what, six?

Said Kansas City Star columnist Joe Posnanski of Das: “Let’s hope this guy doesn’t ever get the Manson parole hearings.”

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More Rocker: Jim Armstrong in the Denver Post: “It’s time to put it all behind you, John Rocker. Time to let the healing begin. Time to realize that today is the first day of the rest of your Klan rally.”

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Unusual accomplishment: Hall of Fame broadcaster Ernie Harwell on Sparky Anderson’s autobiography, “They Call Me Sparky,” his third book:

“Sparky’s the only guy I know who has written more books than he has read.”

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Dead end: Philadelphia Mayor John F. Street, speaking at a luncheon Friday to promote the NCAA Women’s Final Four, offended women in the audience when he said:

“I was hoping there would be a court here so I can slam dunk on someone, probably a short person, maybe a woman.”

When some female athletes in the audience began to boo, Street tried to recover, saying: “I’m short [5-foot-9]. That’s the only person I can dunk on.”

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A piece of cake: Bud Geracie in the San Jose Mercury News: “[Today] is Shaq’s birthday, and here’s what the NBA is giving him: a game against the Clippers.”

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Trivia answer: Stanford defeated Dartmouth, 53-38.

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And finally: Eddie Taubensee has a number problem. The Cincinnati catcher wears No. 2, which Sparky Anderson wore when he managed the Reds from 1970-78.

Now that Anderson has been elected to the Hall of Fame, the Reds are more likely to retire his number.

Taubensee has contemplated No. 18, but that was retired in honor of Ted Kluszewski. He also considered No. 20. but that was put away in honor of Frank Robinson. So he keeps looking.