Talk about good attendance. . . .”Did...

Talk about good attendance. . . .

“Did you ever go to a class reunion and discover you’re the only one who showed up?” Ralph Portnor of L.A. wrote us.

He was referring to a recent experience of his handball partner, 91-year-old Al Brown (Creighton University, ‘27). We asked Brown what he did. “I gave the speech for my class,” he responded.

Luckily, it was a joint reunion and three other groups of Creighton alums were present for the ceremonies in Omaha. Brown, a survivor of the Bataan Death March during World War II, said he drew “quite an ovation.”

Now, he’s trying to contact his living schoolmates, whose number is estimated at 10 to 15. After all, as one attendee at the reunion told Brown, “I guess we know who the president of your class is.”

LORD OF THE ROAD: Looking for a van that runs with real authority? Barbara Aspenson of West L.A. snapped a shot of one.

DISASTER BANDWAGON: When we heard a KCAL-TV Channel 9 anchor promise “the latest on a fire threatening the heart of the city” Wednesday night, we nearly phoned The Times downtown. You know, in the heart of the city. We were going to ask a colleague to save our toy Zamboni ice machine before fleeing the building.

But we waited, knowing the tendency of TV stations to exaggerate. And guess what? The news anchor was referring to the brush fire in Griffith Park.

Perhaps KCAL has seen too many L.A. disaster movies lately.

TOO MANY KITCHENS FOR A CHEF? Pat Elliott of Downey came across an ad in a weekly that was apparently aimed at a family that has big dinner parties.

LIST OF THE DAY: Only in L.A.’s band of guerrilla proofreaders has issued some other findings, which included these curiosities:

* An ad for a camera that can take “panaroma” shots (from Pat Lewis, who wonders how it captures smells on film).

* A notice of an “impotant” meeting for union members (from James Haynes).

* An ad for “lion” chops (from Harriet Yates).

* An apartment complex described as “brand new, completely remodeled” (from Paul Murray).

* And a company offering prospective employees fully “commiserate” salaries (from Bill DePoto, who wonders if that means the salaries are so low the employees will “need commiseration”).

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Our family received a trial copy of a magazine that bore the provocative headline “Cure Flatulence With a Tennis Ball.” It was an issue of Prevention for Pets, which advised dog owners to place a tennis ball in the pooch’s food bowl to slow its eating. The idea is that the dog will “have to nose around and work harder to get the food.” We’ve had hounds that would have eaten the tennis ball, too. And none too slowly.

Steve Harvey can be reached by fax at (213) 237-4712, by phone at (213) 237-7083, by e-mail at [email protected] and by mail at Metro, L.A. Times, Times Mirror Square, L.A. 90053.

GET ME TO THE DIVING BOARD ON TIME: Raging Waters in San Dimas is looking for a couple willing to be married June 14 atop a 100-foot-tall platform, then toboggan head-first “down 600-foot-long open flumes with splash guards, banking and rocking off turns for an exhilarating ride of up to 35 mph, before hydroplaning to a stop across a 65-foot splash pool.”

Not an easy target for the rice.