Trojans hoarse:USC hasn’t forgotten the derision heaped...

Trojans hoarse:

USC hasn’t forgotten the derision heaped on its 1993 freeway billboards, which proclaimed: “Be a Trojan. Beat Notre Dame. Buy Season Tickets.” That’s because the school hasn’t beaten Notre Dame since 1982.

This year, USC took a more cautious approach, unveiling billboards that said:”More Bruises Than a Corporate Takeover.”

The beauty of this slogan is it can be read more than one way. Thus, USC, which opened the season Sunday with a disappointing 24-7 loss to Penn State, can say: “Hey, we told you we’d be really bruised.”

ROCK ‘N’ DOLE: After the discovery of the so-called “Martian rock” in Antarctica, the newspaper Beverly Hills [213] published a list of the items likely to be found on the Red Planet, including: * Michael Jackson’s other glove

* Susan Lucci’s Emmy

* The rest of the Whitewater documents

* Bob Dole’s charisma

* The California Angels’ American League pennant

* 40 million cases of New Coke

* Blueprints for Stonehenge

* A road map to Roswell, N.M.

* Dennis Rodman’s birth certificate

* 874,736,419 unmatched socks

NEVER TRUST A RACECOURSE TOUT: As the Democratic National Convention convened Monday, Bill Clinton led Bob Dole in the polls. But such advantages can evaporate near the finish line. Just ask George Bush, who was ahead of Clinton in the polls in early 1992--a position that was immortalized in a Hollywood Park ad campaign in May of that year. It’s been all downhill for Bush (and Dana Carvey) ever since.

L.A. DINING MILESTONES: The 72-year-old Original Pantry, which never closes, claims it has never been without a customer. If you believe the Pantry--and, don’t forget, it’s owned by Mayor Richard Riordan--then Daniel Lovegren of Sacramento helped keep this sacred streak alive.

Lovegren once walked into the Pantry at about 4 a.m. “There were some other people,” he recalled, “but they soon left, leaving me the sole diner. Before I was finished (about five to 10 minutes), someone else entered. During the time of my sole occupancy, all the waiters, having nothing to do, just watched me eat my breakfast.”

Lovegren recalls that one of the cooks, “not noticing my presence in the back, let out a ‘whoop.’ ”

Perhaps the chef thought he was seeing history made--comparable to a USC victory over Notre Dame.

miscelLAny:

We don’t want to say surfers have gotten softer over the years just because they now wear those wet suits that keep their bodies toasty warm. But we do wonder what Duke Kahanamoku would think about a surfer telephone line we just read about. This line includes, among its services, wake-up calls.