Always Unpopular County Can’t Even <i> Buy</i> Friends Now

Doesn’t anybody out there like us?

This may become the first county in America that needs its own psychiatrist. Exactly when did you start developing these feelings that everyone hated you?

Sheesh, people didn’t like us when we were rich; now they don’t like us when we’re poor. Is there something else we can try?

Nobody likes to live in a place where, after you identify it to other people, they make fun of you. Take it from me: I’m from Nebraska.

That, however, is becoming Orange County’s lot in life. The home to the Happiest Place on Earth has a sad face. We could sure use a hug, couldn’t we?

When nobody liked us in the old days, we didn’t care because, let’s face it, we were rich. Don’t like us? Ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha-ha!

Now that we could use a little help with this, uh, financial situation, nobody feels too sorry for us. Willie Brown never liked Orange County, but so what? But now that Brown still doesn’t like Orange County, we cringe when he says he’ll treat the county “with the same degree of consideration that Orange County’s legislators have treated the rest of the state in its time of crisis.”

Ouch.

Orange County always rationalized the contempt it generated among people like Brown and Tom Hayden. After all, this was a conservative place, and who cared what a bunch of Democrats thought anyway?

But in the last two months, the county has defied virtually all laws of political gravity by alienating people of every conceivable point of view. There hasn’t been this kind of across-the-board bashing since Coke changed its formula.

Forget the Democrats. Republican state Sen. Cathie Wright knocked the Board of Supervisors for failing to supervise, and Independent Sens. Quentin L. Kopp from San Francisco and Lucy Killea from San Diego also took shots, with Kopp referring to Orange County’s “anarchy” and Killea saying that the supervisors “give being ‘out of the loop’ a whole new range of meaning.”

And then there was Republican state Sen. Rob Hurtt, my early leader for Quote of the Year after saying to county Auditor-Controller Steve E. Lewis: “Is there anybody who can terminate your service?”

And Hurtt’s from Garden Grove, for Pete’s sake.

And speaking of Pete, not even Gov. Wilson is giving the county any rope. He’s told us in so many words to not expect anything from the state. Gee, I remember him being so much nicer to us before the election. . . .

And then there was the mayor of Claremont suggesting that Dist. Atty. Michael R. Capizzi might have a conflict of interest in investigating possible criminal conduct relating to the bankruptcy. I tell you, when the mayor of Claremont starts taking shots at you. . . .

It’s getting downright embarrassing. I had visiting relatives in town this week, and I could have sworn I detected faint derision in my aunt’s voice when she said, “Boy, you guys have lost a lot of money out here, haven’t you?”

“A little,” I said.

Doesn’t anybody feel sorry for us?

I’m afraid we’re victims of the Imelda Marcos syndrome. People from the outside see us as insular, smug, self-righteous and stingy (how could they be so wrong?), so they like to see us knocked off our perch. We were that county that had all those fancy shoes. This is, after all, the county that got earthquake aid to repair the scoreboard at Anaheim Stadium. This is the county that wants illegal immigrants to work for us but not get sick or send their kids to school. So outsiders are prepared to gloat over our demise, and if it happens to involve the loss of our money, so much the better.

Sadly, the county’s reputation probably won’t be helped much in coming months, as social services are whacked and people lose jobs. Rather than coming across as poorer and humbler, we’ll probably come across as just being poorer and colder.

Oh, well.

I suppose we’ll just have to learn to handle the glowers and harrumphs. When strangers ask us where we’re from, we can always talk into our shirt pockets or go into the old fake-sneeze routine: “I’m from a-choo! “

Or, who knows, maybe things will get so embarrassing that locals may actually answer a stranger’s query by saying, “I’m from Orange Cou-- . . . I mean, Los Angeles. “

Dana Parsons’ column appears Wednesday, Friday and Sunday. Readers may reach Parsons by writing to him at The Times Orange County Edition, 1375 Sunflower Ave., Costa Mesa, CA 92626, or calling (714) 966-7821.