Lovelorn Find an Antidote in the Personal Ads : With Valentine’s Day at hand, shopping for a mate by perusing personal ads can be a practical way to find romance and true love.

I used to dread Valentine’s Day. Last year at this time I was still whining about my lack of a love interest and my inevitable empty mailbox on Feb. 14. Then I decided to stop complaining and turned to the personal ads.

Less than a month later, I answered an ad from someone who believed in “two-way nurturing,” among other attributes. Our wedding was Sept. 1.

Such personal ads have been around for quite a while. New York’s Village Voice, for example, has been running them for more than 25 years, and Los Angeles Magazine started in 1979 in response to a reader’s request.

But finding a mate indirectly is not a new idea. Mail-order brides were the rage in the 1800s. Matchmakers were accepted as cupids in the last century and still are in some communities; the charming romantic comedy “Crossing Delancey” is a contemporary version of the matchmaker turning her name and photo files into magic.

I’ve heard it said that shopping the personals takes the romance out of finding a love. Not so. The fact is that you won’t find the love of your life by staring across a crowded room. That’s a song, not real life. I think the personals are a way to find romance and true love, and so do others.

“There’s nothing inherently less romantic about placing or answering personal ads,” says Peter Marston, professor of speech communication at Cal State Northridge and a researcher in romantic communication since 1986. “There are, in fact, advantages in using personals as an opportunity to be explicit about one’s love and romantic goals.”

Lee Shasky, 43, who met her husband, Jim, by answering his ad, found even its content revealing and romantic. Among other things, Jim liked toy trains and meatloaf, which she found sweet and honest.

“Where’s the romance in meeting someone over the water cooler or someone slobbering over you at a bar wanting to do dirty dancing?” asks Shasky, whose third wedding anniversary will be in May.

A desire to avoid the superficial and find “a serious relationship and share in common interests” is a theme of most personals today, according to Los Angeles Magazine classified ad manager Donna Ritter.

“People can take control of their personal lives and their search for romance through these ads,” Ritter says.

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People like me have found the bar scene distasteful and blind dates uncomfortable. Personal ads are better, but you have to read them carefully and, of course, talk to respondents who seem interesting. With a little common sense, it need not be dangerous.

Louis King of LaVerne almost didn’t answer the very last of 45 responses he got from an ad more than two years ago. The woman who responded didn’t send the photo that he requested. Today, King is glad he followed up the letter with a phone call, because the writer, Carole, eventually became his wife.

“I could tell with our first long conversation that we clicked on some level,” recalls Carole, who tried to get the courage to answer personal ads for more than two years.

According to Marston, personal ads can serve as an avenue to discuss “the various things that make up individual love experiences.”

One thing my husband, David, and I know is that we are both romantics. Not that our relationship is trouble-free; we are both opinionated, stubborn, independent and proud. But we also know our strengths. We each love affectionate touches for no reason, mushy cards strategically placed and the frequent contact with each other to share the highlights and lowlights of the day. It seems as if we each found the perfect partner to share in the fun of this year’s Feb. 14.

“Sometimes opposites attract, but more often birds of a feather flock together,” advises Marston. Our happy little flock, enjoying long-awaited love, holds the personals entirely responsible.