THE NBA / MARK HEISLER : Pippen Takes the Chair, but Bulls Aren’t Listening

“Let’s see, how did Charlie get out of Philadelphia? “Rip his teammates? OK, I’ve done that. “Rip the boss? Done that. The fans? Check. Throw furniture? Check. What am I still doing here? “How’d the Worm get out of Detroit? “Oh, he went stark, raving mad? Dyed his hair, pierced his flesh, tattooed himself into a piece of walking graffiti? I’m not sure I want to go that far, Madonna or no Madonna.” *

It was just another one of those crazy weeks in Chicago where owner Jerry Reinsdorf announced he wouldn’t trade Scottie Pippen and Pippen, perhaps by way of reply, got himself ejected from a game against the San Antonio Spurs, threw a chair and was suspended for another game.

Pippen, following the example of Charles Barkley and Dennis Rodman, had been making a pain in the neck of himself, calling General Manager Jerry Krause a “liar” daily in hopes of earning a parole.

Pippen has also criticized teammates, Toni Kukoc in particular, called Bull fans racists and insulted several other prominent teams, like the Orlando Magic. That’s on top of his famous “No mas” in last spring’s New York Knick series.

Pippen is actually a pleasant young man who is well liked by teammates but gets upset when he doesn’t get his way. Maybe he learned how a superstar was supposed to act from Michael Jordan, who held Krause in contempt, disregarded Phil Jackson’s instructions when he felt like it and once snubbed President Reagan.

Jordan, however, had a sense of what he could get away with, and he was, after all, Michael Jordan. Pippen is merely Scottie Pippen.

“A lot of people tend to see the bad in Scottie,” teammate Bill Wennington said. “People don’t care that he’s great on the court, a great teammate, good to be around . . . That’s the stuff that happens every day.”

Reinsdorf has his own problems.

The owner of the White Sox, he’s known as the Father of the Baseball Strike around the union office because of his influence on interim commissioner Bud Selig.

In basketball, Reinsdorf has presided over the dismantling of a dynasty but hasn’t yet devised a way to kill an entire league.

He nurtures the hope of making a trade like last spring’s Pippen-for-Shawn Kemp deal, which Seattle agreed to but backed out of when the SuperSonics’ fans protested.

“Scottie’s outbursts have created the perception that we have to do something,” Reinsdorf said last week. “Teams may feel they have us over a barrel. It’s going to take a while before they realize we don’t have to do anything.”

More likely, it will take Reinsdorf a while to realize 1) he does have to do something and 2) Pippen’s price isn’t going up.

All Pippen can do for the Bulls is keep them around .500, which means nothing to the fat cats paying higher prices for luxury suites and season tickets in the new United Center.

Reinsdorf has one valuable player, although not as valuable as last spring when the SuperSonics were desperate. Great players are rarely available. But when they are, it is almost by definition a fire sale. Only a star who has become valueless is ever moved. Everyone low-balls the team, which finally has to take the best offer.

Thus, Barkley went for Jeff Hornacek, Tim Perry and Andrew Lang. Only Perry, a lowly sub, remains a 76er.

Rodman went for Sean Elliott, whom the Detroit Pistons traded back to San Antonio for marginal prospect Bill Curley.

Maybe the Bulls can pry Latrell Sprewell and some No. 1 picks out of Golden State. Maybe they’ll have to settle for Tom Gugliotta.

One way or another, Pippen is still on his way out, and the Bulls are still on their way down.

A FOND L.A. FAREWELL TO BAH-STIN GAAH-DEN

The Lakers’ only regret after their last game in Boston Garden was they didn’t get to dynamite the place afterward.

However, if there’s anything worse to Garden fans than losing to the Lakers--on Nick Van Exel’s hope-chest three-pointer at the buzzer--it’s losing to the Clippers, which the Clips arranged for them five days later.

“This,” said mastermind M.L. (More Losses) Carr, “was not an easy game to swallow.”

The Celtics are still trying to come to grips with the fact they’re no good. The real bad news--there’s little they can do about it immediately--is completely lost on them.

The new regime, covering its eyes or its tail, is all blame and hype. After a loss to the Hawks, Coach Chris Ford called his players selfish, suggesting Dominique Wilkins for one.

Responded ‘Nique, never one to go quietly: “I think it’s B.S. It’s easy to say this stuff because we’ve lost the last few games. But as far as being selfish, that’s crap.”

Unnamed Celtic players--is that you, Nique?--complain about Ford’s harsh tone. Ford, another of those Old Celtics, keeps piling it on.

At halftime of the Laker game, Ford snarled the names of the second-half starters and threw the players out of the locker room. They milled around the hallway while Easy Ed Macauley was honored on the court, one of the nightly ceremonies commemorating the Garden’s last season. Finally, Xavier McDaniel called them together.

Carr, standing nearby, praised X later for filling the leadership void.

“We’re not trying to trade him now,” Carr said.

Yeah, like there was someone out there who would take X off their hands.

Carr, bringing his famous enthusiasm to bear on this front office business, keeps promising “changes,” which hopefully will turn out better than his last changes--Wilkins and (Rarely in Service) Pervis Ellison.

Bill Fitch, who won the Celtics a title in 1981, was asked in jest if he was ready to come back.

“Naw,” Fitch said, “they haven’t gone totally down the tubes yet.”

A KINDLER, GENTLER DC? FOR HOW LONG?

Beset by criticism at every turn, the boor king, Derrick Coleman turned over a new leaf.

Last week, a Newsday poll of six of the coaches who choose reserves for the All-Star team suggested DC may be left off as a show of support for New Jersey Net Coach Butch Beard. This week DC got his picture on the cover of Sports Illustrated with a baby’s wail superimposed over it.

Coleman released a one-paragraph statement, vowing to stay a Net, pledging full support for Beard and promising to become a leader.

“I’ve never asked to be traded,” he insisted later. “When have I asked to be traded? Did you hear Derrick Coleman say that?”

Actually, General Manager Willis Reed heard Coleman say that but was willing to overlook it.

Said Reed: “We’re entitled to change our minds.”

Reed and Coleman had to be pulled apart once this season in a team meeting in which DC became incensed at the GM’s pointed criticism. This was only one of the Nets’ 1,000 acts of unsanctioned insubordination--Coleman blowing off shoot-arounds; Chris Morris refusing Beard’s order to tie his sneaker laces--that had the New York papers calling for the head of their once-beloved Reed.

The Nets started the weekend 16-27, 1 1/2 games behind the Milwaukee Bucks in the race for the final playoff spot.

OK, time for the annual rally before the annual loss in the first round.

FACES AND FIGURES

Does George Shinn’s mother let him cross the street alone? The Charlotte Hornet owner, excited by his team’s surge into first place, volunteered he almost sacked Coach Allan Bristow when they were 5-8 but was talked out of it by Alonzo Mourning, Larry Johnson and Muggsy Bogues. Otherwise, said Shinn, “Allan might be selling hamburgers right now.” The Hornets promptly lost three in a row--two at home and one in Minnesota. . . . Railed Bristow, now an official short-timer, at the press: “If this was the end of the year, you’d be writing that we’re choking. You have ups and downs in a season, and we’re in a rough period right now.” Added the ever-genial ‘Zo: “Y’all go ahead and write that it’s this player’s fault and that player’s fault and that Allan can’t coach. Y’all go ahead and start some controversy, that’s your job.”

They’ll have to get a new bandwagon, this one is sagging under the weight: In New York, a Knick-Magic meeting in the Eastern finals is now considered the NBA version of the 49ers-Cowboys NFC title game, but Orlando still figures to have home-court advantage. While going 14-1, the Knicks cut 1 1/2 games off the Magic lead. . . . The Magic, however, is upset about something. Shaquille O’Neal, who is now tackled five times a game by opponents, declared a press boycott in protest. (Unfortunately, it doesn’t cover commercials, so while Shaq is silent, he can still sell us $100 sneakers.) He also raged at teammate Jeff Turner on the bench. . . . Said Spur guard Doc Rivers, a former Knick: “People call me crazy--even the Spurs think I’m crazy--but they (Knicks) are the team to beat. Orlando and Charlotte still don’t know how to make decisions with a few seconds left in a playoff game. The Knicks have been there before.”

Congratulations (and enjoy it while it lasts): The Utah Jazz, overdue to surrender its road winning streak, with center Felton Spencer lost for the season, went to Seattle to face the SuperSonics, who’d won 16 of 19, and beat them too. Key factor: Jeff Hornacek, a pale imitation of himself after coming over at mid-season a year ago, now shooting 56%--with almost 25% of his attempts three-pointers. . . . The Cleveland Cavaliers, who amazed everyone by climbing into first place without Brad Daugherty and Gerald Wilkins, lost Mark Price and Terrell Brandon and kept on going. Key factor: Coach Mike Fratello, who has turned a bunch of finesse artists into a scrappy, hard-nosed team.

The Roy Tarpley farce continues: The Dallas Mavericks say he’s acting strangely but haven’t suspended him and are keeping him out with a pretend injury. Tarpley who is drug tested daily, is still coming up clean. “He’s not under a microscope,” says Coach Dick Motta, who never wanted Tarpley back. “It’s a telescope. Bigger than the Hubble..” . . . Wrong man for a project: Legendary for his impatience, Philadelphia 76er owner Harold Katz has had it with Shawn Bradley and agreed to trade him for Tarpley. It can’t work under the cap unless a three-way deal with the Clippers can be arranged. The same problem scotched a Dallas-Indianapolis deal. . . . Blues for Baby Jordan: Miami’s Harold Miner, sidelined with a foot injury, flew home for a second opinion, but Heat officials complained he dragged it out and turned it into a vacation. Said Miner, repeating his mantra: “I can’t get down on myself and dwell on it every day. I just try to stay positive. It’s been this way since I’ve been here.” Anyway, people still love him: Miner was the Heat’s top vote getter in All-Star balloting. . . . John Koncak, on Atlanta Hawk Coach Lenny Wilkens’ claim he’d have caught Red Auerbach sooner if he hadn’t coached so many bad teams: “I don’t think he was talking about us.”