Accent Adds Spice to Final Four : Steelers Will Get After Chargers, Then 49ers and Cowboys Will See Who Goes to the Really Real Super Bowl

One team is coached by a former linebacker with a jaw the size of West Virginia. Its opponent is led by a razor-poor bayou quarterback with a face that resembles a 20-year-old rug.

A third team is coached by a small-town Oklahoma man with the squint of a Doberman and a vocabulary that makes interceptions “oskies.” Its opponent is led by a tangle-haired quarterback who last week was involved in as many fights as touchdown passes.

Meet the NFL’s final four, diverse teams representing a single enduring truth: Football’s dialect is still good ol’ boy.

The Pittsburgh Steelers and Coach Bill Cowher, who often gets so emotional his eyes water when he talks, offer bruising running back Barry Foster and a defense that defines one of those football terms that make no sense grammatically, but cannot be said any other way.

They truly “get after it.”

The San Diego Chargers and quarterback Stan Humphries, who play the Steelers in the AFC matchup today, have their own big rig in Natrone Means and a linebacker named Junior who developed a line of clothing that matches his last name and tackling style.

Its name? What else? Say Ow.

In the National Football Conference, the Dallas Cowboys and Coach Barry Switzer are trying to make history with a third consecutive Super Bowl championship. They were inspired recently when defensive back Bill Bates decide to invite a few folks to his Dallas-area ranch for a pep ally.

More than 15,000 showed up.

The San Francisco 49ers and quarterback Steve Young, who will play the Cowboys Sunday in what is being called the real Super Bowl, are the ones cloaked in destiny. This is Young’s year to escape memories of Joe Montana. Coach George Seifert’s year to escape memories of Bill Walsh. The year that a nice organization finally got tough and fought its way back to the top.

Then again, they could choke for a third consecutive January and be branded forever as miserable clods.

A guide to the fun:

Soundest Playoff Player

Troy Aikman, Cowboy quarterback, is 7-0 in playoff starts. He holds NFL postseason records for average gain per pass, 8.9 yards; completion percentage, 71.9, and quarterback rating, 112.5.

“You realize what’s at stake and what you are playing for,” Aikman said. “I like the urgency of the playoffs.”

Probable

Neil O’Donnell, Steeler quarterback, has a 1-2 playoff record. But in his last two playoff games he has thrown five touchdown passes and no interceptions against defensive powers Cleveland and Kansas City.

“In the last couple of months, we have seen him become this team’s leader,” said Yancy Thigpen.

Nothing like being given a little shot of Tomczak. As in, Mike. That is what happened to O’Donnell in mid-November, when he was injured and then replaced by everybody’s favorite backup.

Questionable

Young of the 49ers has thrown for only six touchdowns and five interceptions in five playoff starts, and has a 3-2 record.

“When everyone rates a quarterback, when all the different hoops and hurdles have been run over and through, there is always another thing out there that has not been accomplished,” Young said wearily.

Doubtful

Emmitt Smith, suffering from a strained left hamstring, will start for the Cowboys on Sunday. He will run the ball at least once on the first series.

But it would stun his team if he is still running the ball by halftime.

“It took him three weeks to get ready after he injured it the first time, and look how long he lasted,” said Switzer, referring to Smith’s first-quarter departure last week. “I don’t know how much he’ll be able to get done in one week.”

The 49ers are convinced this is a smoke screen. They will be delighted to discover otherwise.

Definitely Out

The Pittsburgh Steeler cheerleaders.

Because they don’t exist. The Steelers are the only final four team without them.

Thank goodness.

Aren’t We Forgetting Something?

Switzer said he has tried to motivate Smith this week by telling him he has six months to heal after Sunday’s game.

“I said, ‘Emmitt, this is the last one,’ ” Switzer related. “I said, ‘You got all year to rest after this one.’ ”

And miss the Super Bowl, we assume.

Twelfth Man Award

To the San Diego Union-Tribune copy editor who wrote this headline that appeared across the top of the sports page the day after the Chargers’ 22-21 victory over the Dolphins:

“Allll Right!”

For Perspective

The headlines across the top of the sports page in the three other major metropolitan newspapers covering winning teams last weekend:

The Dallas Morning News: “Catching a flight to ‘Frisco”

The San Francisco Examiner: “49ers Swamp the Bears”

The Pittsburgh Post-Gazette: “Dawg Gone”

Bargain of the Year

A ticket for the 49er-Cowboy game goes for $60.

Worth it, if Only to See if Kathi Lee Remembers the Words A ticket to the Super Bowl game in Miami in two weeks is $200.

Now This is a Rip-off Those embroidered yellow towels that will be waved by 59,000 fans at Three Rivers Stadium Sunday cost $9.95 each.

Still Looks Like a Hand Towel to Us Deion Sanders made the playoffs’ first fashion statement last week by trading his trademark red “do-rag” -- that handkerchief he wears around his neck -- for a gold one with the 49ers’ emblem.

More Fashion Viewers of the Cowboy-49er game will get a close look at the latest trend in NFL, uh, nose wear.

The 49ers’ Jerry Rice and the Cowboys’ Jim Jeffcoat, among others, will be wearing plastic strips across their noses that make them look like boxers.

The device is known as “Breathe Right.” Players say that it opens their nostrils and prevents them from being winded.

It’s a device to help those with stuffy noses stop snoring.

Does that mean it is most effective only if the players decide to take a nap?

Master Salesman Sanders, while supposedly being wooed by 49er Coach Seifert during free-agent negotiations this fall, nearly walked out of the room after Seifert warned him that the team would not put up with any of his bull.

“It wasn’t a pleasant meeting,” Sanders said. “It wasn’t a happy meeting. I was a little frustrated and ... I almost caught the first thing smoking out of here to Miami, to be honest with you.”

Oh yeah. And Don Shula would have been a lot more understanding.

Home Sweet Home ... Not Really After fleeing the Arizona Cardinals two years ago for the 49ers, promising never to return, safety Tim McDonald found himself back in his old locker room this week when the 49ers trained for two days in Tempe, Ariz.

Just in case he had trouble remembering the bad old days, the Cardinal equipment manager gave him his old locker. And affixed his number, 46, above it in Cardinal red tape.

“It seems weird being here in January to play football,” McDonald said.

Tempest in Tempe Nate Newton, Cowboy guard, said there was one problem with training in a facility run by Buddy Ryan.

“If they ain’t careful, their offense may go flat, practicing out there,” he said.

Money Time These potential free agents can get rich quick with good performances Sunday:

49ers: Sanders, the NFL’s defensive player of the year, is already going to make a ton. But it probably won’t be in San Francisco. He wants to work under a coach who will let him play both offense and defense.

Cowboys: Receiver Alvin Harper, who has made plays in each of the last two NFC championship games to beat the 49ers, can cement his big-game reputation and earn more than $10 million from an offense-poor coach like Buddy Ryan.

Chargers: Safety Stanley Richard picked a fine time to have his best season. A Super Bowl appearance will pave his road out of town with gold.

Steelers: Tight end Eric Green. If anybody ever needed a reputation transplant, he does. And now.

Toughest Tackle Stan Brock, a weathered 35-year-old lineman whose blocks and smarts have helped the Chargers’ relentless rushing offense, is a league hero for another reason.

Among seemingly hundreds of opposing players involved in scuffles with the Los Angeles Raiders this season, he is the only one who hit first .

Toughest Guards The 49ers hired 12 people to patrol their Tempe practice facility this week.

They guarded nearby roofs, ladders, and even railroad tracks, just in case the 2:09 from Phoenix slowed briefly.

Reporters were even instructed to keep the blinds in the press room closed. Goodness, some writers almost got a glimpse of the sidewalk.

Real Paranoia Once the only quarterback in the league who refused to use a radio helmet, the Cowboys’ Aikman relented last week in the playoff game against the Green Bay Packers.

Reason?

“We thought other teams were stealing our signals,” said Daryl Johnston. “A couple of times in the last regular-season games, it just seemed like the other teams knew too much. We would run different plays out of the game formation and they would be ready for them all.”

History Lesson The last time teams met for a third consecutive conference or league championship was the 1976 AFC title game between the Steelers and the then-Oakland Raiders.

Tell us if this doesn’t sound like a couple of teams you know.

The Steelers had won conference and later Super Bowl championships in 1974 and 1975. But before their third shot at a title, running backs Franco Harris and Rocky Bleier suffered injuries.

Neither man played against the Raiders, and the Steelers lost, 24-7.

The Raiders then won the Super Bowl.

Bad History The Chargers defeated the Steelers, 37-34, in the season finale in San Diego. But don’t view that as a trend.

The Chargers’ best players played all the way in hopes of clinching home-field advantage. The Steelers’ best players mostly watched.

And the Charger defense still allowed 34 points and 436 yards to the likes of Tomczak, Fred McAfee and Andre Hastings.

“That’s not playing defense,” said Charger defensive end Leslie O’Neal. “That’s Sega Genesis.”

Most Valuable Doctor Brentson Buckner, the Steelers’ 305-pound rookie defensive linemen and Shakespeare fan, visited what some teammates thought was a medical man during their recent trip to Los Angeles to play the Raiders.

But, unlike other athletes, his destination was not the offices of Dr. Frank Jobe or Dr. Robert Kerlan.

He saw somebody named Dr. Dre.

Buckner was working with rap artist Dre (we think that’s his last name) on plans for a Super Bowl video the Steelers are hoping to produce next week.

Most Overrated The Chargers’ Seau fits that description.

This is not only our idea, it comes from other linebackers and defensive coordinators around the league.

“Take it from the horse’s mouth,” said one. “Junior Seau hurts that team has much as he helps them.”

The league is convinced that the Charger defense is coordinated for only 10 men, and Seau is allowed to run free. Because of this, he makes big plays that receive headlines and film clips. But he also gets burned in ways that leave teammates shaking their heads.

“The guy is a great athlete,” said another. “But he’s always going for the home run. And that doesn’t always work.”

Most Underrated That would be the Chargers’ O’Neal.

This defensive end had more sacks than the Steelers’ Greg Lloyd and consistently more big tackles than Seau. And when his younger Charger teammates needed some verbal prodding last week before the playoffs, guess who provided it?

X-Rated The Cowboys’ Newton said that his team ended the season in a funk because of the NFL schedule maker, who asked them to play on three Mondays, a Thursday and a Saturday this season.

“We’ve been the league prostitutes,” he said.

Loudest Crowd The noise at Pittsburgh’s Three Rivers Stadium was so intense last week that pregame introductions were canceled when none of the starters could hear their names being called.

“I honestly don’t know if its possible for somebody to come in here and beat us right now,” said cornerback Tim McKyer.

Postseason Record That Will Never be Broken Ricky Watters’ five touchdowns for the 49ers in last year’s second-round game against the New York Giants look solid enough.

Postseason Record Likely to be Broken Charles Haley, Cowboy defensive end, can become the first player to play with five Super Bowl champions.

Most Daunting Record In the 48 conference championship games played since the merger of the NFL and AFL, the home team has won 34 times.

Footnote to Most Daunting Record Only one team has lost more than twice as a home team in a conference championship game. That team?

The 49ers, who are 3-3 in title games at Candlestick Park.

Predictions With everyone sound, the Cowboys are a better team than the 49ers.

But what happened to the Cowboys in November while trying to beat the 49ers with Aikman’s bruised thumb will happen again Sunday because of Smith’s strained hamstring. San Francisco, 21-17.

Even with everyone sound, the Chargers are just too inexperienced to compete in a big game at a hostile site.

Humphries and Means will play together in a Super Bowl game before their careers are finished. But just not this one. Pittsburgh, 21-6.