Those Uniforms Are No Disguise: It’s the Packers

What a special Halloween it will be for football fans.

They can walk through their neighborhoods Monday night and see ghastly, slow-moving creatures with missing brains and hearts.

Or they can turn on their television sets and see a similar bunch playing the Chicago Bears.

This year’s holiday is made for the Green Bay Packers, a once-regal franchise that hard times have disfigured.

Midway through the season, no team has been as disappointing or difficult to understand.

“Every time we turn around, it is like we are shooting ourselves in the foot,” tackle Ken Ruettgers said. “We have dug ourselves quite a hole.”

So much that booing fans recently forced Coach Mike Holmgren’s wife Kathy to leave the Lambeau Field stands.

Those same fans also nearly started a fight in the mezzanine with another biased observer--quarterback Brett Favre’s father, Irwin.

A hole indeed. Here’s how deep:

--The Packers were expected to be mentioned as Super Bowl contenders along with the Dallas Cowboys and San Francisco 49ers.

Instead, they are being talked about as if they were the New England Patriots.

They are 3-4 with three blown second-half leads, including two that were lost in the final seconds.

If they don’t win at Chicago on Monday night, they could be in danger of missing the playoffs.

“This team is full of would-haves, could-haves and should-haves,” Ruettgers said.

--Favre was expected to blossom as one of the league’s top quarterbacks. Instead, he is tied for 15th place with a 78.9 passer rating.

“He’s still like that little girl with a curl,” General Manager Ron Wolf said.

At age 25 and in his third full season in the league, isn’t it time Favre grew up?

--Sterling Sharpe was supposed to pass Jerry Rice as the league’s best receiver. Instead, six players have caught more passes than Sharpe, and 18 have gained more yards receiving.

And he has become no more of a deep threat than a tight end. In five of the Packers’ seven games, he hasn’t caught a pass longer than 17 yards.

Was that Sharpe screaming at the coaches to call more plays in his direction on that recent Thursday night game in Minnesota? Team officials say no, that the microphone that picked up his cries had distorted his voice.

But common sense says that all is not well with a man who would walk out on his team the night before the opening game over a contract dispute . . . and then spend the first seven games on a pace to catch fewer passes than he has in three years.

“What Sterling did at the start was the big distraction to the team,” Wolf said. “But once he came back, that ended. We have no problem with him.”

Sharpe has been hurt not only by his occasional pouting, but by the free-agent defection of tight end Jackie Harris.

--Reggie Cobb, signed as a free agent from the Tampa Bay Buccaneers in the off-season, was supposed to give the Packers their first 1,000-yard rusher since Terdell Middleton in 1978.

Instead, he has behaved more like Eddie Lee Ivery.

Cobb has rushed for 266 yards and one touchdown, with no run longer than 16 yards. But he also has fewer carries than any of the league’s 25 rushers who are ranked ahead of him.

Wolf said the biggest problem with the Packers’ 26th-ranked rushing offense is the weather. He is still waiting for Packer weather, icy weather, when his second-ranked defense can set up a bruising running attack that will feature Cobb more.

“Once the cold weather comes back, we’ll be fine,” he said. “We can play our kind of game in the cold weather.”

Of course, the Packers can always count on defensive end Reggie White, who is having perhaps the finest season of his Hall of Fame career.

Well, maybe not always. White recently told a reporter that he missed his former team in Philadelphia.

“But how can I get back?” he asked the reporter.

Returning his $9-million bonus, one supposes, would be a start.

MONDAY NIGHT MADNESS

In preparation for the first Monday night game on Halloween in six years, Barry Krauss offers this warning:

“Watch out,” Krauss said. “Strange things could happen. It will be very eerie.”

Krauss would know. He was a linebacker for the Indianapolis Colts when they played host to the Denver Broncos in the last Monday night Halloween game in 1988.

The Colts were 3-5 at the time. The Broncos were 4-4.

Fans spent early Monday evening at Halloween parties, then filled the Hoosier Dome dressed like ghosts and goblins. Some even wore masks of announcers Frank Gifford, Dan Dierdorf or Al Michaels.

“Everybody in the stands was wearing some sort of mask, all screaming and howling, all fired up,” Krauss said. “I have never seen anything like it.”

The Colts responded by scoring a team-record 45 points in the first half and won, 55-23.

To this day, Krauss believes that the Broncos were spooked.

“From the moment the Broncos stepped on the field, it was like they never had a chance,” Krauss said. “We knew it. They knew it. When I see guys from that game today, we still talk about it.”

Does this mean that this year’s Monday night schedule--which has given us five dogs in eight games--can be saved?

Of eight remaining games, five should be winners.

Monday-- Packers at Bears. Their 147th meeting since 1921. Will be the most-watched game in the league’s oldest rivalry. A winner.

Nov. 7-- New York Giants at Dallas Cowboys. A potential dog, only because the Cowboys should score early and often and then rest their stars for the next week’s showdown in San Francisco.

Nov. 14-- Buffalo Bills at Pittsburgh Steelers. Terrific regional rivalry. Will there be more fights in the stands or on the field? A winner.

Nov. 21-- New York Giants at Houston Oilers. Whoever agreed to give the sorry Oilers three Monday night appearances wins the award for most uninformed person in the game. A dog.

Nov. 28-- San Francisco at New Orleans. Bark, bark.

Dec. 5-- Raiders at San Diego Chargers. Other than Winston Moss being forced to use an alias on national TV, this is a winner.

Dec. 12-- Kansas City Chiefs at Miami Dolphins. A preview of the first round of the playoffs. A winner.

Dec. 19-- Cowboys at Saints. We aren’t even going to ask what ABC was thinking about here. A dog.

Dec. 26-- 49ers at Vikings. Another playoff preview. A winner.

REALIGNMENT UPDATE

While the favored realignment proposal reported here remains alive, it is facing greater odds every day.

In preparation for reaching a decision at the owners’ meetings in Chicago next week, owners are now backing away from their previous stances and hunkering down to protect old rivalries and habits.

In other words, get ready for an NFC West that includes two teams that play in the Eastern time zone--Atlanta and Carolina.

And get ready for an AFC Central that contains four teams that play in the Eastern time zone--Cleveland, Pittsburgh, Cincinnati and Jacksonville.

According to owner Jerry Jones of the Dallas Cowboys, the Carolina Panthers and Jacksonville Jaguars simply will be dropped into those respective divisions.

“The owners are now thinking that there is no way you can do anything other than just slot the teams,” Jones said. “It’s just too hard.”

The reasoning:

--While some owners have agreed to move, others are unhappy with the results of those moves. And for some of the most unusual reasons.

For example, Indianapolis will gladly move from the AFC East to the NFC Central, but current NFC Central residents are worried about having three division teams playing in domes.

“The ripple effects are just too great,” Jones said.

--Owners no longer care that it sounds ludicrous to have, say, a team from Charlotte, N.C., in a western division.

“Do we realign just because it sounds funny to have teams from the East playing in the West?” Jones asked. “Of course not. Heck, if that bothers you, let’s just change the names of the divisions. Call them the red division, or blue division.”

--Owners believe that new rivalries--one of the projected results of realignment--can be created simply through scheduling.

“Heck, we’ll play Houston every year if the schedule-makers will just do it,” Jones said. “We don’t have to be in the same division with them.”

This corner thinks that by not realigning, the NFL will be missing yet another chance to update the game for younger fans.

After heading so far in that direction in recent years by changing rules and adding Fox, why stop now?

QUICK HITTERS

* AS GRACIOUS IN DEFEAT AS IN VICTORY: Buddy Ryan was asked about traffic accidents involving Dallas’ Erik Williams and Shante Carver, which occurred just hours after the Cowboys had defeated Ryan’s Arizona Cardinals last Sunday.

“Well, they were wrecked up a little bit before they left here too, weren’t they?” Ryan said.

* LEAVE IT TO BOBBY: While leaving work around 11 p.m. one recent night, San Diego Charger Coach Bobby Ross was reminded that the Rolling Stones were giving a concert on the stadium field behind his office. So he took a peek.

“That place was really jumping,” Ross said later. “That Mike Jagger was really going.”

* HEADS UP: Agent Leigh Steinberg is so concerned with head injuries that he is exploring plans to bring his 21 quarterbacks to Newport Beach this spring for a seminar and examinations by a neurologist.

Just last weekend, quarterbacks Troy Aikman of the Cowboys, Vinny Testaverde of the Cleveland Browns and Chris Miller of the Rams suffered concussions.

Two weeks ago, running back Merril Hoge of the Chicago Bears retired after suffering four concussions since training camp.

Steinberg figures that clients Aikman and Steve Young of the San Francisco 49ers have suffered at least four concussions each. And he wonders how long sufferers would continue to play if they knew of the long-term effects.

“Players in this league know exactly what is inside their knee, but nothing about what is inside their head,” Steinberg said.

Steinberg said that the biggest problem is that nobody has researched how numerous concussions can affect a player later in life.

“What effect do all of these things have on strokes? Or senility? Or Parkinson’s disease?” Steinberg asked. “Somebody has to give the players some more information. There are players right now who probably should retire. But nobody knows.”

* IT’S ABOUT TIME: In the year of the throwback uniforms, we have finally seen a throwback spike. Our thanks to Chris Spielman, Detroit Lion linebacker, who last week stripped a ball and returned it 25 yards for a touchdown, his first, against the Chicago Bears.

In the end zone, Spielman fell to his knees and slammed the ball down with both hands.

“It was my 1905 spike for all the old-timers that played this game,” he said. “It really was. I said if I ever scored, I was going to go in there like the old-timers and throw the ball down in the end zone like they used to do. All I’m doing is reviving the true meaning of touch down.”

* MORE UNBELIEVABLE BY THE STEP: Barry Sanders’ 84-yard run for the Lions against the Bears last week was not his longest in the NFL, but his longest with both shoes on.

His 85-yard run this season against the Tampa Bay Buccaneers was accomplished after he had lost his right shoe near the line of scrimmage.

* IF SHELL DIDN’T COMPARE HOSTETLER TO JAY SCHROEDER, HE SHOULD HAVE: Enough of the jokes that Hostetler was most angry about an alleged comparison to Jay Schroeder. They really are quite similar.

Each is 33 and has been in the league since 1985. Each stands about 6 feet 2 and weighs about 220 pounds. Each has played in one Super Bowl.

The major difference is that Schroeder has had a far more productive career, having thrown for more than twice as many yards and touchdowns as Hoss.

* GEE, MAYBE WE DON’T DESERVE TWO TEAMS: Figures this week reveal that the Raiders and Rams rank 26th and 27th, respectively, in home attendance.

The Raiders are drawing an average of 48,756 to the Coliseum, the Rams 41,130 to Anaheim Stadium.

The only team in worse shape is the Tampa Bay Buccaneers, drawing only 40,055.

The leading Kansas City Chiefs are averaging 79,522.

That’s impressive, considering that capacity at Arrowhead Stadium is more than 1,000 less than that figure, 78,067.

* THE HIGH COST OF LEAVING YOUR FANS IN LIMBO: According to calculations by “The Sports Business Daily,” the Rams have already dropped $868,170 in total home ticket money (before revenue sharing) compared to last season. This projects to a $1.6-million deficit by the end of the season.

Only one other team in the league, the New Orleans Saints, figure to lose even half that much.