How Parents Can Help When Children Fly Alone : Some kids fly so often between divorced parents’ homes, they have frequent-flier accounts.

That first time they flew alone, Katti and Mike Florie were terrified. So was their mom.

Just 9 and 7 at the time, the two Florie children were flying from the Midwest to California to visit their dad. It was only the second time they had ever flown anywhere.

“We were afraid we’d get lost,” explained Katti, now a high school junior in Darien, Ill., and a veteran unaccompanied flier. “But we’ve never had a problem--not even a canceled flight.

“We’d bring lots of stuff to do and we’d meet a lot of new people. Even grown-ups play with us. Everyone is always really nice.”

That’s reassuring news for all of the nervous parents who are putting their kids on planes by themselves in ever-increasing numbers.

“It’s a growing trend--a fact of life in the ‘90s,” said Joe Crawley, a spokesman for American Airlines.

United Airlines estimated that in excess of 100,000 children as young as 5 are now flying alone every year--more during the summer than in any other season. Delta and other major carriers offered similar estimates.

The kids are visiting parents or grandparents, heading to camp or school. Some fly so often between divorced parents’ homes that they have frequent-flier accounts. Others look on the experience as a great adventure.

“I was much more nervous,” acknowledged Karen Stark, whose 8-year-old son Mike Stix flew home alone to Boston from Nashville after a wedding. “He had a great time.” Her tip: Put your child’s name on everything--from jackets to toys.

No matter how often children fly unaccompanied, the same procedures must be followed from the moment they’re checked in until they’re picked up at the other end. In fact, airline officials urge parents to get to the airport early when a child is flying alone--so there will be plenty of time for all of the necessary paperwork. (You’ll need the name, address and phone numbers of the person who is to pick up the child.)

And remember, the airline’s priority is to get your child from point A to point B, not to entertain him along the way. “The airlines aren’t providing a baby-sitting service. No one is going to sit down and play games with your child throughout the flight,” warned Norm Strickman, chief of consumer affairs for the federal Department of Transportation. Strickman fields complaints from parents who expected just that.

Many parents don’t realize that once a child is past 11, he or she won’t even be supervised or afforded assistance unless the parents request it.

“I still make sure the flight attendants know they’re flying alone, although they’re older now. And the airlines are very good about it,” noted Katti and Mike Florie’s mom, Jeanette Richbark.

“Ninety percent of the time everything goes the way you want it,” she said. “But it’s still a tense time. You have to be prepared for anything. I always wait until the plane is in the air and then I go and wait by a phone. You want to be accessible.”

On those occasions when you are flying the same day as your kids, it’s a good idea--if possible--to book a flight that leaves after your child arrives at his destination. You don’t want to be impossible to find if your child’s flight returns to the gate or lands in Omaha instead of Denver.

By the same token, you want your child to be prepared for an emergency. Make sure he knows how to make a collect call--and that he has change in his pocket for the phone as well as any phone numbers he might need. Strickman of the Department of Transportation adds that you should make sure young children know what city they’re going to and who is picking them up.

To help families understand the procedures and airlines’ responsibilities, the DOT, in collaboration with the National Child Safety Council, has prepared a brochure called “Kids and Teens in Flight” (free by writing the Office of Consumer Affairs, Department of Transportation, 400 7th St. S.W., Washington, D.C. 20590).

Some airlines, including American and Delta, also offer special brochures on the topic. Check with your travel agent or local airline ticket office.

Here’s some of DOT’s Parent Checklist:

* Tell the gate agent that your child will be traveling unaccompanied when you book the flight and again when you check in. Remind the agent if your child needs help with connections.

* Be certain your child carries ID and cash for emergencies.

* Keep carry-on baggage to a minimum.

* If your child is older, instruct him never to leave the airport with a stranger or to seek lodging if a flight has been delayed or canceled. Ask an airline official to help.

* Provide games and toys to keep the children entertained en route.

Snacks are a good idea, too, parents and kids say. You might also want to order a child’s meal (there is no extra charge).

Delta now offers an entire Fantastic Flyer program for kids, complete with a special magazine handed out on board and children’s meals that come complete with small toys. (Ask about enrolling your child when you make your reservation.)

Despite everyone’s best efforts, there still can be foul-ups. Jubetsy Jessar of Houston is still furious at American Airlines because they released her children to her without requesting any ID when they returned from visiting their father. That was a technical breach of security, American Airlines spokesman Crawley acknowledged. “The kids were yelling, ‘Mama, Mama,’ and it was evident this was their mother,” he explained after investigating.

There have been other cases where children have been held by airline officials because the person picking them up--obviously not a parent--arrived without proper identification.

“We understand,” said Crawley, “that your kids are your most precious belonging.”

As for 15-year-old Mike Florie, who has been flying unaccompanied with his sister since he was 7, he’s now taking flying lessons.

Taking the Kids invites reader questions and comments about family travel. Address them to: Taking the Kids, 2859 Central St., Box 119, Evanston, Ill. 60201.