L.A.’s first tourist? Now someone else is...

L.A.’s first tourist? Now someone else is trying to spoil Christopher Columbus’ celebration. China claims that in AD 412, one of its monks sailed the ocean blue--and landed near present-day L.A.

The official Xinhua News Agency says that a monk named Faxian discovered Tinseltown after he blew off course on a trip home from what is now Sri Lanka.

The news agency didn’t say but we presume that the monk gave our city its name, which has since been shortened. Remember, he would have seen a land devoid of traffic jams, smog and mini-malls. That’s why Faxian called it Shangri L.A.

Rediscovering L.A.: We recently ran a photo of a “Los Angeles City Limits” sign near 4th and Olive streets. Funny, we thought the city limits extended 10 miles or so west, so we contacted the city Transportation Department. An official said the sign has been ordered removed but he was unable to say how it got there.

We think there’s a perfectly logical explanation. The sign was planted by Faxian.

Yeah, but L.A. was in the Top 10 in AD 412: L.A. is ranked No. 42 among large cities in the 1993 Information Please Environmental Almanac. Honolulu was voted tops, environmentally speaking, indicating that the voters have never driven on Waikiki’s clogged streets.

Whatever, we’re confident L.A. can move up--and perhaps even surpass the city that’s rated No. 14:

Bakersfield.

List of the day: Here are some of our favorite classes listed in UCLA’s extension catalogue for the winter quarter:

* Beginning Cake Decoration

* Writing the Movie of the Week

* Introduction to the 900/976 Pay-Per-Call Industry

* Souffle Workshop

* Fashion Design: World Dressing

* A One-Day Overview of the Baby/Toddler Book Market

* Glorious Garlic

* Career Opportunities in the Hazardous Waste Management Field

* Bathroom Design for the ‘90s

And, we were delighted to see that our college major is still being offered:

* Beer Appreciation

Touchdown Lutheran: The figure on Notre Dame’s Memorial Library was long ago nicknamed “Football Jesus” by fans and players, who noticed the referee-like stance. Inasmuch as Notre Dame’s football team is in town to play USC today, it’s only appropriate to point out that Southern California has an equivalent: the statue of a Christian outside the Lutheran Church of the Foothills.

“I’ve heard people call it ‘Touchdown Lutheran,’ ” said Paul Frantsen, the youth director of the La Canada Flintridge church.

One high school student who drew a business map of the city even incorporated the football joke. He put a striped shirt on the statue.

Let’s dispense with the small talk: A panhandler on 7th Street greeted passersby with a sign that said:

“Hello 25 cents please.”

miscelLAny:

California’s Ensenada: San Pedro was originally called Ensenada de San Andres by Spanish navigators.