Being Friends Means Never Holding Back

L.A. Times Archives

Oct. 15, 1992 12 AM PT

Best friends can talk about anything, or so it seems. But there are particular times and sensitive topics that don’t lend themselves to idle chitchat.

Hot Topics wonders, “What’s the hardest thing to say to a friend?”

“To tell them that their so-called friends have been talking about them behind their backs.”

Jen Smith, 17,

senior, Los Alamitos

“ ‘No,’ because you want them to like you, and you want to do what they do so you won’t feel left out.”

Veronica Cervantes, 17,

senior, Villa Park

“That they are embarrassing to be with.”

Allison Clark, 14,

freshman, Esperanza

“ ‘I love you’ is the hardest thing to say to a friend. We often just assume a friend knows how much we love and appreciate them, but we never say it.”

Katie Bayer, 14,

sophomore, Mission Viejo

“ ‘Can I borrow your car?’ ”

Ross Alloway, 17,

senior, Calvary Chapel

“That you’re not allowed to talk to them anymore.”

Sunshine Armenta, 14,

freshman, Bolsa Grande

“ ‘I don’t want to be friends anymore.’ ”

Prisca Engelman, 15,

junior, Liberty Christian

“Telling a guy friend that you want to be something more than just friends.”

Connie Sheng, 14,

freshman, Kennedy

“ ‘I believe in Jesus.’ ”

Aaron Hovivian, 17,

senior, Servite

“To tell them a loved one has died. Even the cops don’t like to tell people that. It’s even harder for a friend to tell them.”

Sergio Jimenez, 18,

senior, Century

“ ‘You’re gaining weight.’ ”

Kristina Cook, 17,

senior, Connelly

“ ‘Goodby,’ because losing someone special and close to you is like losing a part of yourself.”

Thessaly Lagman, 16,

junior, Loara

“ ‘Sorry I forgot your birthday.’ ”

Philana Chen, 17,

senior, Dana Hills

“That they are dying. A friend of mine is dying of cancer in her brain. The doctor asked me to tell her. It is so hard to tell them to their eyes that they are dying. Those eyes look to you for an answer, but you do not have one.”

Helen Flores, 15,

sophomore, Edison

“Telling them that their loved ones are not worth all the trouble that they are having.”

Kristina Lee, 17,

senior, Valencia

“The hardest thing I have ever said to a friend is ‘I love you.’ ”

Leanna Kahler, 16,

senior, Orange Lutheran

“To say goodby forever to a long-time friend.”

Steve Kinaib, 17,

senior, Sonora

“That you have AIDS.”

Tarryn Smith, 16,

sophomore, Santa Margarita

“It would be hard to say ‘I’m sorry,’ because it’s hard to admit that you’re wrong.”

Janet Dickinson, 17,

senior, Troy

“That you do not like her style of dress.”

Lori Harrison, 16,

junior, Southern California Christian

“That you were never their friend in the first place.”

Janet Yazdi, 16,

senior, El Toro

“You need to put deodorant on.”

Walter Nelson, 16,

junior, Fullerton

“When the person they really love is playing with their trust or using them for sex.”

Gretchen Connelie, 15,

sophomore, Los Alamitos

“Anything negative that you really mean.”

Cindy Park, 18,

senior, Villa Park

“Anything that expresses your true feelings. Most people hide their emotions and have difficulty showing them.”

Jeremy Howlett, 15,

sophomore, Mission Viejo

“ ‘I hooked up with your girlfriend. “

David Sundquist, 15,

sophomore, Calvary Chapel

“ ‘You’re starting to bug me.’ ”

Erik Dai, 14,

freshman, Kennedy

“The hardest thing to say to a friend is that she’s ugly.”

Malila Shalize, 16,

sophomore, Bolsa Grande

“Telling a friend that he or she has a severe drug problem and needs to seek help. They will, of course, deny it, and you may lose a friendship. But it is something that needs to be done. If you can’t bring yourself to do so, you are not a good friend.”

Scott Cain, 16,

junior, Edison

“That you like the same person they do.”

Amberly Williams, 17,

senior, Esperanza

“Probably admitting that you’re wrong in a disagreement.”

Beth Harper, 16,

junior, Loara

“Anything having to do with a girlfriend or an ex-girlfriend.”

David Waters, 16,

sophomore, Servite

“The truth, because besides hurting their feelings, the friendship may be ruined.”