Sugary Words: The Democrats in Congress cooked...

Sugary Words: The Democrats in Congress cooked up what they thought was a sweet tax cut, but Sen. Pete Domenici (R-N.M.) said it was half-baked. He told a Senate committee that the scheme would mean only $200 a year for a single person. “Fifty-four cents a day,” he mused to the committee, “so I went to the candy store.” Then he pulled out an orange-wrapped candy: “I submit to you two peanut butter cups. It’s not an economic stimulus, it’s a political stimulus.” But surely the candy company wouldn’t complain.

Pointed Poem: The idea of President Quayle makes poets pale, judging by a contest in Dublin. Patrick J. Sneyd had the shortest of nine potshots in Monday’s Irish Times:

To a term of Quayle

There’s just one retort

Lord, like this verse

Please keep it short!

Heady Brew: Tax accountants put Al Capone in jail, but scientists lay claim to putting him out of business. During Prohibition, Congressmen got scientists to conjure up experiments showing that 3.2% beer couldn’t make people drunk, so it was not prohibited. When sales of 3.2% beer became legal, Al Capone’s illicit breweries choked on red ink. The crime boss was jailed for income tax evasion, and when he died of syphilis in 1947, he was penniless.

Valentine’s Notes: A lipstick maker asked 200 people to name the “most kissable lips in America.” Men selected actresses Kim Basinger, Julia Roberts and Michelle Pfeiffer; women picked actors Patrick Swayze, Luke Perry and Mel Gibson . . . What’s the most important reason to get married? A West Virginia pollster totaled up what people told him: 64% said love, 17% named companionship, 7% said family, 2% listed money and less than 1% said sex. Nine percent gave other reasons or just shrugged: “I don’t know.”