‘Hey, what’s the matter with “Disney”? It’s been good enough for 48 years!’

\o7 BURBANK, Calif.\f7 —  Walt Disney Productions officials intend to ask shareholders to approve a name change to reflect Disney’s significant investments in real estate and theme parks as well as filmed entertainment.

Scene: Large corner office with leather couch, potted plants and sleek executive desk. Empty shelves line the walls, dotted with books like “The One Minute Manager.” The desk sports a fancy phone, a fancier time planner and a pair of white feet attached to the deceptively spindly legs of the high-powered executive whose awesome presence infuses the airy room with confidence. He is silver-haired, but, despite the leafy lunches and rigorous exercise, he still puffs his favorite big Havana.

Mickey (squeaking into phone) : That’s right, sweetheart, everybody! I want everybody in here in 15 minutes! And send in Pinocchio right now!

Pinocchio (sauntering in with vapid good cheer, a la Dennis Day) : Well, boss, what’s cookin’?

Mickey: Sit down, sit down. Pin, you and I’ve always been tight, and I know I can count on you for an honest opinion. I’ve been thinking--we need some changes around here. Big changes. What I’ve been thinking is, we’re gonna change the name!

Pinocchio: But, Mickey, everybody knows you as Mr. Mouse.

Mickey (exasperated) : The company, you blockhead, the company! I’m tired of Walt Disney Productions; I’m tired of cartoons and cuteness; I wanna diversify! I wanna grow the company! I wanna hire a pack of investment bankers and launch a hostile takeover or a leveraged buy-out or something. I wanna make the cover of Business Week!

Pinocchio: Gee, boss, we’ve always done fine. . . .

Mickey (rapping on Pinocchio’s skull) : Knock on wood!

Pinocchio (smarting and rubbing) : Wh-what do you want to change the name to ???

Mickey: How ‘bout . . . Disnex!

Pinocchio: You’re a genius! (His nose starts to grow.)

Mickey: So you don’t like Disnex. How about Waldis? Or maybe Waldipro?

Pinocchio: Great! (nose grows) Inspired! (grows more) Neat-o! (more still)

Mickey (throwing up white-gloved hands) : Who cares what you think anyway! You were always just a puppet for your father. Minnie! (shouting to secretary) Minnie, get everybody in here! Time for the meeting!

(Minnie flings open the door and a motley collection of dwarfs, elves and Dalmatians tumbles into the room bearing Goofy, Donald Duck, Jiminy Cricket and Snow White like surfers on a wave. They elaborately sort themselves, Snow White smoothing dress and hair.)

Goofy, Donald, et al. (variously) : What’s the big deal!? Gee, Mickey! We’re busy, too, you know!

Mickey: All right, simmer down, everybody. Now listen up: There’s gonna be some changes around here, starting with our name.

Donald (scowling and spraying) : Hey, what’s the matter with “Disney”? It’s been good enough for 48 years! Remember New Coke?

Mickey: Nothing’s wrong with Disney. But we need a name that adequately reflects Disney’s significant investments in real estate and theme parks as well as filmed entertainment. Now my idea is Disnex . . .

All: Ycch! Horrible! Awful! Are you nuts?

Mickey (taken aback) : Well, I don’t care what you characters say. I’m boss around here and it’s gonna be Disnex!

Donald (waving a proxy) : That’s what you think, smartie pants! I’ve got enough shares here to tie you up in the courts for a thousand years! The lawyers’ll own this place by the time I get done!

(Others nod encouragement; Dalmatians growl . )

Mickey (shaken) : Now let’s not be hasty, Duck. I’m flexible. What do you folks want?

Donald: We want Disney to stay Disney! Not Disnex, not even Walt Disney Productions! Just plain old Walt Disney! Or you’ll be out the door without a golden parachute!

Mickey (quaking now) : OK, OK! I know when I’m licked. Now everybody out! Leave me in peace.

Cheering, tumbling, congratulating Donald, all leave. Mickey sighs, pulls a copy of “Lee Iacocca: An Autobiography” off the shelf and settles down to read, feet back on the desk.