‘The Hills’: Breaking up isn’t easy

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Doesn’t anyone stay together anymore? Justin and Cameron. Heath and Michelle. Lauren and Heidi. And now ...

Brody and Spencer.

It’s hard to believe. The two were so close, concocting plans to take over the pages of US Weekly, one Hollywood starlet at a time.

And the two go way back, having known each other as kids. Spencer, pictured, even claims an ‘executive producer’ credit -- with inexplicable pride -- for the short-lived Fox reality series ‘Princes of Malibu,’ which followed the pampered life of Brody and his brothers, the stepsons of pop ballad producer David Foster. (We’re not sure, but we think maybe Spencer and Brody make amends later on. After all, Foster is being credited as a producer on Heidi’s forthcoming solo album.)

But Brody’s budding friendship with his ex-girlfriend Lauren has caused the pair to part ways.

Not much happened in this episode, mostly talk and very little action. Justin Bobby continued to disappoint Audrina, who continued to take it. Lauren indulged in a ‘friendly sleepover,’ or so we were told, at the condo of new male BFF Brody. And both she and Heidi continued to pretend they didn’t care about their lost friendship.

Only Spencer delivered the dramatic goods, knowing exactly how to do it. He broke up with Brody -- over the phone!

‘’You can make excuses, excuses this and that,’’ Spencer hissed to Brody. ‘’I care about loyalty. You are rolling around with my enemy, so that makes you my enemy. Do you not see how that works?’’

It’s a little like Season 2 deja vu with Spencer in the role of Lauren and Brody in the role of Heidi.

Meanwhile, Heidi cast the last stone, telling another of Lauren’s former friends, Jen Bunny, over breakfast that the Lauren-Jason sex tape rumors were actually generated by Brody. Eh, we now believe with 99% certainty that Spencer and Heidi are actually the culprits ...

Next week, Jason is (finally) back. We can’t wait. This whetted our appetites.

-- Denise Martin