In Theory

If your father is alive, wear a red carnation on Father’s Day. If he has passed on, wear a white one. Thich Nhat Hanh, the popular Vietnamese Zen teacher, shares the Japanese Mother’s Day tradition of “a rose for your pocket.” We have modified this at our Zen Center for Father’s Day as well.

This small sign speaks of life and death: We owe our birth to our parents and we depended upon them as children for our survival. Whether they are now dead or alive, Father’s Day is a time to express gratitude and appreciation, which is the essence of the spiritual life. We wake up, instead of taking parents for granted or focusing on any negatives.

Not only at Father’s Day, but also before every meal the Zen dedication includes the recitation that “this food is for our teachers, parents and all sentient beings.”

In the Mahayana Buddhist tradition, we aspire to be Bodhisattvas, that is, people who strive to help all who suffer or are in need. Fathers are great Bodhisattvas and Buddhas, daily giving love and transmitting their teachings. The older I get, the more clearly I hear my father’s voice, though he has been dead for 25 years.

The Rev. Dr. Deborah Barrett

Zen Center of Orange County

Costa Mesa

Jesus introduces new language to talk about our relationship with God. This dramatically changes theology as understanding of God moves from what began as a tribal god of Israel, somewhat removed from the world, to evolve into a monotheistic understanding of God as not just the god of Israel but the God of all.

Jesus takes this theology and pushes it deeper, sharing that God is even more personal when he refers to God as a Father. When he instructs his disciples to pray he tells them to pray to “Our Father” thereby demonstrating that this relationship is not just between God and Jesus, but that we all are children of God.

I do not take this to affirm that God is a man, or that God even has a gender at all, but I do take it to mean that God is as close to us as a parent. In fact, Jesus calls God Abba, a name we can translate as Daddy or Papa. This demonstrates not a model for a patriarchal religion or theology, but that God is familiar, close and loving, and that we can have a close, personal, loving relationship with God.

As I remember my dad this Father’s day, I cannot help but recall memories of cuddling close and reading my favorite books, or swimming on his back in the pool, or playing baseball at the park. Those were intimate moments. I relish those memories and am thankful that God can be like my papa — silly, sweet, protective, encouraging, and above all, loving.

The Rev. Sarah Halverson

Fairview Community Church

Costa Mesa

Fathers teach best by example.

When my dad thought I wasn’t looking:

  I saw him hang my first painting on our refrigerator, and I immediately wanted to paint another;

  I saw him feed a stray cat, and I grew to be kind to animals;

  I watched him make a meal and take it to a sick friend, and I understood that we all have to help take care of each other;

 I saw him handle his responsibilities even when he didn’t feel well, and I wanted to be productive, too;

  I watched him take care of our home and everyone in it, and I learned that we have to take care of what we are given;

 I saw tears come from his eyes, and I knew that sometimes living hurts and that it’s good to cry;

  I saw him give his time and money to help people who had nothing, and I learned that those who have something should give to those who don’t;

  I heard him pray, and I understood that there is a God I can talk with and trust;

  I saw that he cared, and I wanted to be everything I could be.

When my dad thought I wasn’t looking, I looked at him and wanted to say, “Thanks for all the things I saw when you thought I wasn’t looking.”

What can we give in thanks for love? The only gift I can think of is love in return, love passed on. So rather than “stuff” for Father’s Day, how about a generous gift of love in honor of your dad to a wonderful ministry like Loaves & Fishes (searchoforangecounty. org/loavesandfishes or thehaynesfund. org/site/loaves_and_fishes), Children of the Americas (americaschildren.org), Habitat for Humanity of Orange County (habitatoc.org), or another of your choosing?

The Very Rev’d Canon Peter D. Haynes

Saint Michael & All Angels Episcopal Church

Corona del Mar

In a recent interfaith meeting, a Protestant Minister and good friend of mine said he felt that the Latter-day Saints promoted a patriarchal society. I was unprepared for this comment, which, while not meant to be unfriendly, had a negative undertone. I have thought about the role of a father in the family since.

One of the sweetest benefits of our faith and culture is the family dynamic. When a newborn comes into the world, the father gives the infant a name and a special blessing. When the child decides to become a member of the Church through the ordinance of baptism, the father again presides.

My wife, Pat, and I were privileged to bring into this world eight spirits from our Father in Heaven, and I had the opportunity prior to their births to lay my hands on their sweet mother’s head and give her a husband’s blessing that she would be able to bear her travail and bring forth a healthy baby. There were many times, following the admonition found in James 5:14, when I used my priesthood to heal an ailing family member. Since Pat’s passing and my marriage to my wonderful new eternal companion, I continue to bless both Sheila and her family through the use of my priesthood authority.

With all of this in mind, the idea that we are a “patriarchal society” is likely not without some foundation. At the same time, without the companionship of a faithful wife and mother, the family cannot reach its full potential. My daughters were urged to seek all the education they desired and, at the same time, remember that their greatest contribution to our Heavenly Father’s plan is to raise righteous children unto the Lord. There is no doubt that mothers are the heart of a family.

There seems to be ample evidence that when a father does not fulfill his mission, or is absent, the family unit suffers. Our mission, as Priesthood holders, is to support our wives and mothers, provide a model of faithful spiritual leadership to our children, and impart a strengthening and reliable influence within the family. Our children — and America — need us!

Tom Thorkelson

Director of Interfaith Relations for Orange County