REEL CRITICS:
My high school memories have mercifully faded, but I know I would definitely have remembered any lusty Scandinavians in the epic old English poem “Beowulf.
Thanks to the magic of director Robert Zemeckis and writers Neil Gaiman and Roger Avary, that boring old homework assignment is now an eye-popping comic book for grown-ups.
It’s silly and gets off to a rocky start — subtitles would have been nice for the first few minutes — and the “performance capture” technology is a little creepy (some characters look cross-eyed). But overall, “Beowulf” is good entertainment with its amazing action sequences and solid acting.
As the legendary Beowulf, burly British actor Ray Winstone should be eternally grateful for this role: I’m sure his abs never looked so good.
King Hrothgar (Anthony Hopkins) and his men are having a routine night of debauchery when they are rudely interrupted by Grendel, a giant demon who’s like Hamburger Helper with a thick Scottish accent. He evidently can’t bear to hear anybody having fun and heads start to roll within seconds.
This puts a damper on the King’s social life, but in no time a ship comes to the rescue. Enter Beowulf: a Danish warrior with stentorian tones and zero body fat. “I am here to kill your MON-stah!” he bellows, so the King hires him.
Beowulf’s prideful boasting (and penchant for doing battle in the nude) sets him up for a big fall. Poor “Monstah” is mortally wounded, but there is still his mum to contend with.
When Grendel’s wicked mother (Angelina Jolie) rises from the water like a slithery golden Venus, you can hear gasps from the male audience. Jackpot!
As entertaining as “Beowulf” is, I think the real reason for this movie is to fulfill the fantasies of every guy’s inner teenage boy — in 3D, no less. (Actually, it looks more like 36D.)
‘No Country’ brings riveting character study
The Coen Brothers take a very dark turn on their famous formula of ordinary people caught up in terribly botched crimes. “No Country For Old Men” is full of their trademark tension, ironic plot twists and sudden violence.
The focus here is on a cold-hearted killer tracking down 2 million in cold cash.
In “Fargo” and “Brother Where Art Thou” they added a measure of comedy madness to their caper recipe. Not this time. Josh Brolin happens upon a major drug deal gone wrong in the Texas desert.
He leaves behind the drugs and dead bodies. But he takes the suitcase full of cash and the chase is on.
Javier Bardem is outstanding as the psycho killer who stalks his prey without mercy like a panther on LSD.
Bloody shootouts ensue as Woody Harrelson drops in as a hired gun hunting both of them.
Tommy Lee Jones is the thoughtful small-town sheriff trying to save the little guy from the professionals on his tail. There’s lots of action, but great acting and dialogue bring a riveting character study to each role. This is a grim, intense and disturbing film that takes no prisoners and leaves you stunned.
SUSANNE PEREZ lives in Costa Mesa and is an executive assistant for a financial services company. JOHN DEPKO is a Costa Mesa resident and a senior investigator for the Orange County public defender’s office.
All the latest on Orange County from Orange County.
Get our free TimesOC newsletter.
You may occasionally receive promotional content from the Daily Pilot.