COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES:A look under the hoodies at H

Hennes & Mauritz. Do you know what that means? Neither did I. What about H&M;? I’m guessing it’s girls, yes, boys, no. For the male people, H&M; is a store. They sell things, you buy them, mostly clothes and accessories.

Their claim to fame is that they sell designer stuff at un-designer prices, either look-alike designs or lines done just for them by top designers like Karl Lagerfeld and Stella McCartney.

I have been told by people who know these things that H&M; is mostly for hip, trendy, young people who wouldn’t know a record if they sat on one.

Is H&M; successful? Are you serious? Is the Pope German? They are a global phenomenon, with more than 1,300 stores worldwide and more than 60,000 employees. There are H&M; stores throughout Europe, in China, Kuwait, Qatar, Luxembourg, Slovenia and Slovakia. That’s when you know you’re huge — when you have stores in both Slovenia and Slovakia.

Why am I writing about a clothing store? I don’t know. Do I know anything about fashion? I do not, and that’s being kind. I suppose there could be people more unfashionable than I am, I’ve just never met any.

You know how some people look incredible no matter what they have on or what they’re doing? I have never been accused of that. I do know off-center stories though. That’s my job. Witness the near-pandemonium at the opening of two H&M; stores at South Coast Plaza this week. Where were you at 2:30 a.m. Thursday? Asleep, probably, but not Frankie Parra, 25, and Angelica Mejia, 23, who staked out the first spots in line for the H&M; opening at 0230hrs., some seven hours before the magic moment. Was it lonely for Frankie and Angelica? It was not. By the time the two H&M; stores threw open their doors, more than 4,700 people were lined up behind them, which is a lot of lining up. Being the first among the first also made Frankie and Angelica instant celebrities.

“If we had known we’d do so many interviews, we would’ve done more to look good,” Mejia said with a laugh.

It isn’t just the cheap chic that sends H&M; devotees into a designer-induced frenzy. H&M; has achieved what every retailer dreams of — cult status. It’s hard to predict who gets it and who doesn’t, and even if you do, it doesn’t last long. Benetton had it and lost it, so did The Gap, but until further notice, H&M; is on fire, so to speak.

Where does H&M; come from? Anything to do with H&R; Block? HP computers?

M&M;’s maybe, five letters removed. Settle down. It’s none of those. The Hennes company was founded in 1947, which was a very long time ago, in Vasteras, Sweden, which is nowhere near here, by a man named Erling Persson, who wanted to sell quality clothes at affordable prices. It was strictly women’s clothing at first — “hennes” is Swedish for “hers” — until 1968, when Persson bought out a company called Mauritz Widforss that carried outdoor clothing for men. Persson renamed his store Hennes & Mauritz, then shortened it to H&M;, which was a good idea I think.

Come to think of it, there must be something in the water in Sweden. Have you ever heard of a store called IKEA? So have I. IKEA was founded in Sweden in 1943 by a man named Ingvar Kamprad, who wanted to sell quality home products at affordable prices. Do you know what IKEA means? It’s Swedish for “some assembly required.” No, it isn’t. I made that up.

Ingvar Kamprad’s family home was called Elmtaryd, in a village called Agunnaryd. Now watch this. It’s very cool. “Ingvar Kamprad-Elmtaryd, Agunnaryd … I-K-E-A.” Can you find this stuff anywhere else? Not that I know of.

At any rate, the corporate coincidences between the two firms are interesting, no?

H&M; has gotten another big boost in recent months — like they needed one — by signing on their newest resident designer, Madonna, who will front H&M;’s “M by Madonna” line, although I have a hard time imagining Madonna working away at a design table, crumpling up sheets of paper and tossing them over her shoulder as she racks her brain for new ideas. I got it — maybe she could do a line of fishing clothes for women anglers and call it “Like a Sturgeon.”

The collaboration started last year, when H&M; designed and produced a line of off-stage duds for the Material Girl, her band, her dancers and even her crewmembers, some of which made it to H&M; stores. That is my life’s dream — to look like Madonna’s drummer.

So that’s it. H&M;, IKEA and Madonna. It’s everything you need. Maybe more.

I gotta go.