Jabbing at a jive-talkin’ congressman

Politicians are in the business of criticizing. They criticize

opponents’ positions, incumbents’ performance and everybody’s

intelligence. But today I can officially report that political

criticism has finally gone too far.

The culprit: U.S. Rep. Curt Weldon, a Pennsylvania Republican. The

topic: federal government performance pre-Sept. 11. The allegation:

that two things “just don’t jive.”

That’s right, for the first time in United States history, a

politician has found a way to criticize others for not being -- of

all things -- sufficiently funky. According to Weldon, the two things

in question (it doesn’t matter what they were) failed to boogie, fell

short of the ideal of getting down, and were pathetically inadequate

in the goal of getting their groove on. In other words, their attempt

to bust a move left said move sorely unbusted.

I kid, Curt. I kid because I love. But even as I pick on the poor

guy for the little language flub he made in a news conference, it’s

only fair that I confess that I’ve made the same mistake a million

times. And I expect I’ll make it a million more. If I didn’t confess

that, I would just be pouncing on someone else’s all-too-human

mistake for the cynical goal of advancing my own agenda. And no poor

politician has ever done anything to deserve that kind of treatment.

My agenda, of course, is to offer a lesson in the difference

between “jive,” “jibe” and “gibe.”

The best example I can recall of two things that don’t jive hails

back to the 1993 presidential inauguration. It involves the vice

presidential couple, Al and Tipper Gore, dancing to “Don’t Stop

Thinking About Tomorrow.” If ever two things didn’t jive, Al and

Tipper were them.

That’s because “to jive” means to get funky -- specifically, to

dance to swing music, or to mock or tease. Think of expressions such

as “You’re jivin’ me, brother,” spoken by film characters such as

Superfly, and the last meaning becomes clear.

What Weldon meant to say was that the two things didn’t jibe. But

because he got the word wrong, he left himself vulnerable to my

long-winded gibe.

“Jibe,” according to “Garner’s Modern American Usage,” means “to

accord with, to be consistent with.” Author Bryan Garner offers a

handy little example of correct usage. “The sight just doesn’t jibe

with the image of her character.” For Weldon, this means that his two

things didn’t jibe.

As if those two words weren’t confusing enough, enter “gibe,”

which I cleverly planted a few paragraphs up. This whole column could

be perceived as a nasty gibe. That’s because “gibe” means “a caustic

remark or taunt.” Another Garner example: “Irving Lewis ...

personified the faceless civil servants who, for all the gibes about

pointy-headed bureaucrats, make government work.”

Too bad Weldon didn’t confuse “jibe” with “gibe” because then I

wouldn’t have known the difference. They’re both pronounced the same

-- with a J sound.

Our Newport Beach readers may be the only ones to know another

term that adds to the mess. “Gybe” -- as it’s spelled in British

English, and which in American English is unfortunately spelled

“jibe” -- is a nautical term Garner defines as “to shift a sail from

one side of a vessel to the other while sailing before the wind.”

And of course when you think of wind, you think of politicians

because those two things definitely jibe. And that gibe is no jive.

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

[email protected].