On a scale of one to 10, sea lions are a ...

The discussion over the noise created by the sea lions in Newport

Harbor took a hopeful turn a couple of days ago, when it was put into

the context of the misery of others. Fresh from having made the front

page of the Los Angeles Times, the residents affected by the barking

seals can expect little sympathy from those who will take the time to

write to the paper to comment.

And then there are the jokes. Hearing of the loud, barking seals,

one friend said, “They must all be mothers-in-law.” Hey, I don’t make

‘em up -- I just report ‘em, so don’t shoot the messenger.

Those who put the sea lions into the context of Hurricane Katrina

have a point, a good point, in fact. As I wrote several weeks ago,

all of these life situations should be put into the context of the

other terrible things that could happen to us all.

This is an interesting situation, and it would be nice to hear

from a harbor resident about where the barking sea lions would place

on the SPS -- Smith Priority Scale. As a reminder, the low end,

number one, represents the anguish you feel over losing a penny. Ten

represents the world coming to an end in 10 minutes.

If you are affected by the seals, please let me know where the

barking seals fit on the scale, either by writing to the paper

([email protected]) or by e-mailing me at o7onthetown

[email protected]. If you e-mail me, I will not publish your comments

without your permission.

The displaced Katrina victims couldn’t care less about the

complaints of the residents. For that matter, those in Columbus,

Ohio, or Kansas City, Mo., probably don’t care either. They’re most

likely to look at the situation and the overall abundance in the

lives of the sleep-deprived residents and think: “Get back to work.”

In another context, consider those who live in the hills in our

area and in the county. Those residents put up with lots of critters,

including coyotes that eat their cats. As far as I know, these people

chalk it up to the price they have to pay for living where they want

to live, and they do the best they can to minimize their misery.

Until three years ago, our family was routinely visited by

raccoons and skunks. The raccoons were adorable but destructive. The

stink of the skunks kept us awake night after night.

We solved the critter problem by buying and using a product called

Shake Away, which is the powdered urine of a predator. Worked like a

charm.

But the problem is real to the harbor residents, and the solutions

are not as easy as a trip to the hardware store. One end of the

spectrum is a massacre, which is, of course, out of the question.

Think back a year or two to the discussions over what to do with the

overpopulation of crows in Costa Mesa for the answer to whether the

seals should be killed. It’s just flat out the wrong answer.

The barking crows also managed to create a lot of garbage. Crows

are scroungers, bottom-feeders who will pick apart anything that

looks like trash, leaving humans to clean up the mess.

The crows never got shot, never got poisoned and never went away.

We have lots of crows in our neighborhood, and it seems that

residents have just gotten smarter about dealing with them. We are

careful about our trash and tolerate the noise as best we can.

Nature may have taken a hand in the cawing crow population too. It

seems to me that while there are still plenty of these nasty birds,

there are less of them, and I wonder whether natural selection has

helped reduce their numbers. At some point, the population grows to

where there’s not enough food to feed them all, and they either fly

away or die.

The comparison is not direct, I know, and I don’t know the sea

lions’ food source, but I’m sure that given time and a larger

population, they, too, will move to where the food is.

At the other end of the solutions is simply to do nothing, or for

the residents to wear earplugs, as has been suggested.

In between, there is the possibility of relocating them. That,

however, does not guarantee that they won’t return, and it may

increase the chances that they will eventually become someone else’s

problem.

That doesn’t help the residents right now. And while there is a

great temptation to feel little sympathy for the people who live in

expensive homes and probably enjoy an abundance of life’s comforts,

that won’t solve the problem, and the problem needs to be solved.

Perhaps we can get the jets departing from John Wayne to fly lower

to drown out the sea lion noise.

I’m kidding.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(714) 966-4664 or send story ideas to [email protected].

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