A Father’s Day gift guide

STEVE SMITH

This may hurt a bit, but here are two truisms about dads and Father’s

Day that you need to know. First, there isn’t anything that you can

buy dad for Father’s Day that he can’t buy himself. Second, if he

hasn’t bought it, the chances are good that he doesn’t want it as

much as you want him to have it.

Most guys, you see, are pretty simple. They get up; they go to

work; and they come home. They don’t need to eat fancy food or have a

fine wine. For most of them, finding a really good cheeseburger

provides as much joy as finding a restaurant that is not afraid to

cook a steak medium rare.

Most guys want to relax from time to time. They want to do just

short of nothing. So, those ads you see with three or four guys

huddled around a TV screen with beer or soda and some potato chips

are not far from the truth. The only variation may be that sometimes

they’re just as happy, or even happier, to watch the game by

themselves.

I know of one dad whose Father’s Day tradition has been to play

golf with his buddies. He’ll get home around 4 p.m. and enjoy dinner

with his family. It’s not his wife’s ideal Father’s Day, but after

all, it is supposed to be the day that dad gets to do what he wants.

It doesn’t mean he doesn’t love his family.

From time to time, dads just need to be left alone.

But dads like to do things with their families too. In fact, few

things give them more pleasure than a family outing or a family

vacation. You’d never know any of this from reading the ads in the

newspaper or listening to them on the radio. From all of that, you’d

have to believe that dad really wants a new power tool, a new set of

golf clubs or a new camera.

Dad doesn’t want any of that. What dad wants for Father’s Day

costs little or no money.

First, don’t bother making brunch reservations. As wonderful as it

is to sit by the waterfront at the Cannery restaurant, or as much fun

as it would be to rent a Duffy and tool around Newport Harbor (and

that would be fun), Father’s Day can start by making a big breakfast

for dad. Dads, you see, like to eat.

A glass of champagne would be a nice touch with that breakfast.

If you have to give a gift, make it something that dad can’t buy.

Most dads won’t offer up the fact that out of all the stuff they’ve

ever gotten, it’s the most unlikely things that they appreciate most.

If the kids are small, there is no better gift from a son or

daughter than a card that reads, “I love you daddy,” written in kid

scrawl. The camera will break, and the tie will go out of fashion,

but dad will keep those cards forever.

Dad will deny it to the day he dies, but he needs reassurance.

Once in awhile he needs to know from his family whether he is on the

right track and whether, despite the goofy things he does from time

to time, he is still necessary. He’ll never admit it, but it’s true.

He needs to know more than ever these days because a misguided and

trivia-centered media would like us all to believe that a family is

just fine without a father in the mix. As proof, they’ll cite the

lives of the rich and famous but not important celebrities who have

made the selfish move to consciously raise kids without a father in

the home.

All those mothers need is a willing physician.

For the rest of us, however, there are the statistics that show

that the homes without fathers produce kids without hope:

* Children from fatherless homes account for 63% of youth suicides

(source: U.S. Department of Health and Human Services, Bureau of the

Census).

* 71% of pregnant teenagers come from fatherless homes (source:

U.S. Department of Health and Human Services).

* 90% of all homeless and runaway children and 70% of juveniles in

state-operated institutions come from fatherless homes (source: U.S.

Department of Justice).

* 85% of all children who exhibit behavioral disorders come from

fatherless homes (source: Centers for Disease Control and

Prevention).

In addition to all that, kids from fatherless homes grow up with a

much higher likelihood of being poor and dropping out of school.

Because they’re wired that way, most of the moms reading this and

many of the kids, have already made their Father’s Day gift

purchases. So perhaps this will serve only as a reminder for next

year.

Next year, remember that all dad wants for Father’s Day is you.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(714) 966-4664 or send story ideas to [email protected].