Angelina and Brad don’t need a plot

When Hollywood hypes a movie based on who the actors are instead of

what it is about, odds are the story lacks substance.

In the case of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” focusing on its sexy leading

lady and man instead of the plot proves to be the best choice. Action

stories about professional assassins are playing at every street

corner multiplex. Movies starring Brad Pitt and Angelina Jolie,

however, are in short supply.

Although the plot of “Mr. & Mrs. Smith” is sparse throughout most

of the film, other story elements turn the viewer’s attention away

from the plot and onto the characters and their predicament.

The seven-year itch has arrived a year or two early for John and

Jane Smith. What began as a passionate romance with lots of sex and

shots of tequila has evolved into a mind-numbing life in the suburbs,

revolving around picking out new drapes and deciding which vegetable

to have with the pot roast. The Smiths’ beautiful two-story

residence, complete with white picket fence, is immaculate -- a

picture perfect house without that lived-in look, because John and

Jane are hardly home. They are both busy at work, the one thing they

are still passionate about.

They are hired killers for competing companies. And Jane and John

have lied not only to the world about what they do; they have also

kept their true occupation a secret from each other throughout their

marriage, until now. And when they learn each other’s secret, their

relationship goes full circle from making love to making war.

Where most couples may lob a coffee cup in a fit of anger, John

and Jane launch grenades. What saves the movie from becoming a dark

commentary about marriage are the cartoonish comedy elements added to

the violence.

Although John and Jane come to blows with each other, no harm is

done. Like Wile E. Coyote and the Roadrunner, Jane and John shake it

off and jump back in for more.

The experience becomes a cathartic one for them. Now that they

know the truth about each other, they are getting to know each other

all over again -- not always for the better. When they finally do

agree on something, their working habits get on each other’s nerves,

such as when John’s preference to improvise on jobs unsettles Jane’s

need to follow a step-by-step plan.

“Mr. & Mrs. Smith” exaggerates those moments in a marriage when

the little things that should not matter one whit come to matter the

most, like leaving the seat cover up or squeezing the toothpaste from

the wrong end of the tube. That they are highly skilled killers, with

a cutting edge cache of weapons to use against each other, actually

makes their bickering funnier.

Both work and both earn money, so both have an equal say in the

marriage. And Jane is just as tough, strong and smart as her husband

(actually smarter). Jane is John’s equal, even in hand-to-hand

combat.

Brad Pitt has found his niche playing the bad boy next door whose

lack of intelligence combined with incredible luck is incorrigible.

Angelina Jolie is a good match as the bad girl who refuses to hide

the fact she is bad. Their pairing is an effective choice for the new

millennium’s version of the screwball comedy.

The plot is thin in “Mr. & Mrs. Smith,” but with characters as fun

to watch fight as John and Jane, who needs a story?

* PEGGY J. ROGERS, 40, produces commercial videos and

documentaries.

‘High Tension’ takes

dreadfully low road

I’ve said it over and over, but the characters in horror movies

never listen to me. When you’re driving somewhere, never leave the

main road. Those back roads and bumpy dirt trails only lead to a

splattery death.

In “High Tension,” two young women depart from the main road to go

to a farmhouse in the country. Alex (Maiwenn Le Besco) has invited

Marie (Cecile De France) to stay with her and her family over the

weekend so they can study together without the distractions of campus

life. Unfortunately, neither of them is studying how to thwart a

sadistic killer (Philippe Nahon).

There’s not much to this story, which is a French version of the

American slasher genre. After about 15 minutes of dull girl chat,

Alex is taken prisoner and her family is murdered. It’s up to Marie

to find a way to save Alex from a psychotic maniac who seems

unstoppable. He’s always one step ahead of Marie, and toys with her

like a cat playing with its supper. The only thing she knows for sure

is that he enjoys killing and causing pain.

Director Alexandre Aja says this is his tribute to 1970s American

horror, which is a clever way to say that he’s shamelessly ripping

off scenes from “Texas Chainsaw Massacre,” “Last House on the Left”

and countless other movies.

If his goal was to make a forgettable low-budget B-horror movie,

he succeeded. “High Tension” is the kind of late-night creature

feature that would put you to sleep before the action starts.

Aja gets style points for making a widescreen digital movie that

will have to be letterboxed when it’s shown on TV. It’s nicely

photographed and he seems to be having fun by putting the camera in

locations that allow you to see through Marie’s eyes.

The problem is that the film’s pace doesn’t live up to the name

“High Tension.” This movie drags endlessly until it arrives at its

predictable conclusion.

I’m not big on dubbing foreign language movies, and the

half-hearted effort to dub “High Tension” into English just makes a

bad movie even worse. The lip-sync is so off target that it’s

reminiscent of the puppets in “Team America World Police.” What’s odd

is that portions of the movie are subtitled rather than dubbed. It

looks like Aja couldn’t meet the deadline for a completely dubbed

version of the movie, so he had to resort to subtitling some of the

scenes.

One thing is for sure. TV’s Joe Bob Briggs, aka John Bloom, would

love this movie. “High Tension” would have been perfect for

“Joe-Bob’s Drive-in Theater.” The drive-in totals include five dead

bodies, ax fu, straight-razor fu, club wrapped in barbed-wire fu,

glass-shard-through the-ankle fu, one obligatory nude female in the

shower, and one decapitated head that still provides enjoyment for a

heartless maniac. What he does with that head proves that someone

who’s resourceful can find a good use for just about anything.

“High Tension” proves that foreign art cinema can be just as

trashy as Hollywood. Unless you truly love bad, low-budget B-horror,

you should skip this one.

At best, this is a rental. The DVD will probably include the

minute or so of gore that had to be cut to give the movie an “R”

rating instead of an “NC-17,” but it’s not like a little bit of extra

flying blood will make or break this movie.

* JIM ERWIN, 40, is a technical writer and computer trainer.