Making progress with that world-domination thing

JUNE CASAGRANDE

I knew I’d hit the big time when I got an e-mail asking whether I’m

related to the dentist Eugene Casagrande. You see, that’s a Burbank

thing. Years ago when I worked at the Burbank Leader, people asked me

that regularly. Apparently the guy’s handiwork and his three pretty

daughters were well as well known in that town as the long lines of

tourists waiting to see Leno.

This column started out in the Daily Pilot in Costa Mesa and

Newport Beach and has since spread to three other community

newspapers, including one in Burbank. So when someone asks whether

I’m related to the Casagrandes of Burbank fame, it’s a clear sign my

plan for world domination is progressing.

Getting the Casagrande question seemed like a significant

milestone. But it was immediately eclipsed by the knowledge that I

have extended my reach to a far corner of the globe -- Australia.

I’ll get to that reader’s note in a second. First, the Casagrande

business.

No. I’m not related to any Casagrande who’s ever set foot, as far

as I know, in California. There weren’t many of us in my family to

begin with, and now that my dad’s gone and my sisters have changed

their names, I can guarantee that I’m not related to any Casagrande

anyone here has ever met.

Years after I worked in Burbank, I began working in Newport Beach,

where my name also drew some attention when I reported that a city

councilman made a questionable remark about Mexican immigrants. Some

people taking his side accused me of bias based on my

Spanish-sounding name.

Funny thing about media bias: If you look for it you’ll always

find it -- whether it’s there or not.

My last name happens to be Swiss. It’s from the Italian-speaking

region of Switzerland. That’s not the same as being Italian, by the

way. I think that some Casagrandes are from Italy, but my very

limited knowledge of my family tree never gets out of Switzerland.

And just because you speak English or your name’s English, doesn’t

mean you’re English -- as is the case with those people Down Under.

“Hello from Australia!,” writes special-ed teacher Deirdre

Brandon, whose cousin sent her one of my columns. “I thought you may

be interested in a couple of frightening (literally) pieces of

information from the ‘Land Down Under.’ When we went to school we

were taught the rule that a cumulative noun has a singular verb, e.g.

‘The congregation IS singing my favourite hymn’ ‘The crowd IS

cheering loudly.’

“Several years ago when I was completing my bachelor of education

at one of our universities I wrote in an assignment “The staff of our

school is meeting regularly for discussions.” The lecturer crossed

out the “is” and wrote “are” above it. Obviously he did not know the

rule about a cumulative noun having a singular verb!

“Probably he did not even know there is such a thing as a

cumulative noun. Oh dear! Where is our English language going?”

There’s a good lesson in here for all us, which is this: While I

don’t know where the English language is going, all I can say is that

it’s definitely going.

While Deirdre’s examples are spot on, it’s now official that

cumulative nouns can sometimes go either way. “Couple” is a good

example.

According to the Associated Press Stylebook, “When used in the

sense of two people, the word takes plural verbs and pronouns. In the

sense of a single unit, use a singular verb.” Just as your ear was

telling you all along.

“The couple were married Saturday,” but, “Each couple was asked to

give $10.”

I promise that once my plan for world domination is complete, I’ll

find a way to simplify this rule and make it law throughout the

English-speaking world. But for now, collective, or cumulative, nouns

will continue to baffle.

G’day.