Trying to coach some happiness

STEVE SMITH

Since the Little League season started, I have been asked many times

how it feels to be sitting in the stands watching my son play instead

of yelling at him -- sorry, coaching him -- down on the field.

Coaching one’s own child, particularly a boy, is a talent -- one

that I did not possess. For every moment when I watched from the

dugout as my son pitched or played catcher or hit the ball and

thought, “It doesn’t get any better than this,” there was another

moment that I wondered why I put myself through so much misery.

Was it really for him that I was coaching? Was it really to spend

more time with him -- to teach him life lessons through the game of

baseball?

Or was it really for me? Was it really just an attempt to relive

the glory years, to see him achieve what I did not, to derive some

vicarious pleasure out of winning?

Unfortunately, we did not do enough winning to appreciate the

vicarious pleasure, but that’s OK. I don’t care what Vince Lombardi

thinks, winning is not the only thing.

During the season, my son and I fought a lot. When we weren’t

fighting, there was simply too much tension. Eventually, that tension

spilled over into the rest of the relationships in the house and

before every game, everyone was tense.

That’s how it works when you coach your own kid. As the coach, you

have higher expectations of your own child and you also have the

ability to say or do things that you would not say or do to someone

else’s child.

But some kids have it wired, too. As the coach’s son or daughter,

a lot of kids know that they can get away with more than someone who

is not.

The bottom line is that I am happier now that I am not coaching my

son. We’re getting along a lot better and I’m still getting the

enjoyment of watching him play. I do miss coaching kids -- watching

someone you’ve worked with improve right before your eyes -- but I’m

gladly trading that for the peace in our home.

I thought of all this as I read one of the most thoughtful letters

I’ve ever seen published in the Daily Pilot.

A couple of days ago, Nancy Buchanan of Costa Mesa raised the

subject of the limits on the night lights for soccer practice at

Kaiser School.

In 1998, Buchanan and her family moved to a home that backed up to

the school. Long story short, she told in a most considerate and

responsible fashion that their eyes were fully open to dealing with

traffic, practices and games -- it was part of the price they agreed

to pay to live in that house.

(Now compare that to a large number of people who moved into

Newport Beach after the expansion and renovation of John Wayne

Airport, then complained about the noise from the takeoffs. Or

compare it to the people who moved into the College Park neighborhood

in Costa Mesa, then complained about the noise and traffic from the

weekend swap meet or the music from the Pacific Amphitheater.)

Sorry, but as a baseball coach for many years, I have very little

sympathy for the soccer teams who want to play under the lights at

Kaiser, and I don’t care which city they hail from.

The fact is that in Costa Mesa there is not a single lighted

baseball diamond on which a Little League team can practice or play.

Soccer has been given priority all over town, even to the extent that

not one square foot of land was converted to baseball when the huge

Farm Sports Complex was built. It really should be called the Farm

Soccer Complex.

We’re now in the middle of that awful tug-of-war between kids’

sports. Little League began a couple of weeks ago and other kids are

playing spring soccer. One couple on my son’s Little League team has

a kid in each sport, so you can imagine the type of scheduling

challenges they have.

These kids are young and their emphasis right now should be on

school. Night games and practices, if they are going to continue,

should end at 8 p.m. And that means that the game or practice is over

at 7:45 p.m. so there is time to clean up and get everyone off the

field.

That’s a rule that will benefit not only local homeowners but,

more importantly kids, who have too much homework to do and need to

get to sleep at a decent hour.

Otherwise, kids will wake up cranky, then parents get cranky and

then the whole house is cranky.

And I can tell you from experience is that a house is much better

to live in when everyone’s happy.

Go Cubs!

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(714) 966-4664 or send story ideas to [email protected].