‘Precinct’ an assault on your senses

“Assault on Precinct 13” is the typical boilerplate riff that makes

one yearn for the “Die Hard” years -- when plots were as airtight as

the Titanic and acting was dreadfully secondary to action; a time

when character development, narrative, and common sense could easily

be surmounted with an exhilarating gunfight or gratuitous explosion.

Unfortunately for this flick, most moviegoers’ nostalgia is

running low for carelessly strung together episodic wastes of time

that combine every little cliche from movies past.

The gist is absolute tripe. A traumatized and drug addicted police

captain (Ethan Hawke) is relegated to watching a ramshackle police

station with his motley staff on a dismal New Year’s Eve.

When a renegade officer (Gabriel Byrne) lays siege to the station,

the captain is forced to ally himself with miscreant gangsters led by

a notorious criminal (Lawrence Fishburne). This quixotic cop attempts

to regain his courage in a foolhardy attempt at saving the day from a

rabble of corrupt cops. This is a pathetic Alamo of sorts, except

this one won’t be remembered.

The performances are dreadfully pathetic. Interminable subplots

lead nowhere and extract nothing but indifference. As far as the

acting, it seemed like everyone was completely distracted. Fishburne,

Bryne and Hawke make up the most lackluster trio in recent history.

And the impetus, the ostensible action film that it is being hawked

as, is cumbersome, tedious and heavy-handed.

Overall, this flick is as dry as Oscar Wilde and the story is as

substantial as Calista Flockhart’s diet. The brevity of the film is

its only redeeming factor.

* EVAN MARMOL is Laguna Beach resident. He graduated from UC

Irvine with a degree in psychology and social behavior. He can be

reached at [email protected].