One last time: Leave the TV off and live smartly

STEVE SMITH

This is my last “Family Time” column.

Now before you get out either the champagne or the Kleenex, you

should know that I’ll still be writing for the Daily Pilot. You’ll

find out more about that role in the days to come.

There aren’t really any final words. We are fortunate to live in a

part of the state where the importance of strong family ties is a

priority, even if we do hear too many sad stories about divorce,

abuse or neglect.

I have no doubt that family stories will work their way into some

future stories.

But for now, it’s over.

Strong families are one of America’s most important assets. It’s

true that we’re not always doing the best possible job, but the whole

nature of parenting has changed, even since Cay and I began this

journey over 14 years ago. Today’s parents have more challenges than

parents who raised their kids 20 years ago.

So in parting, I want to offer an edited version of my unsolicited

advice to parents on what you can do to strengthen your family.

* Live close to work. Last year, the Automobile Club of Southern

California estimated that it cost 59 cents a mile to operate a 2003

SUV. Some cars that were not gas-guzzlers were slightly less, but not

much. The cost of gasoline is only part of the story. Add payments,

insurance, tolls, maintenance, repairs, citations and, perhaps most

important, all of the goodies that commuters treat themselves with

every week and you have a very expensive habit.

If you commute, do the math. Calculate an honest cost of driving

to your job. If you’re like most commuters, you can find a job close

to home with a significant pay cut and never notice the difference in

your lifestyle. In addition, you’ll have a lot more family time and a

lot less stress.

* Pay cash for everything. Credit card usage forces you to live

beyond your means. Credit card usage forces you to work more. Working

more causes you to spend less time with your family.

If you are one of the millions of American families that finds

itself using credit cards as a routine way of living, you must

develop a plan to stop. If you’re only making the minimum monthly

payments on your card(s), figure out a way to pay more each month. It

may mean that you have to drive past Starbucks from now on or eat at

home instead of going to Mi Casa, but it beats being a slave to a

credit card company.

Oh, and if you buy something on sale with a credit card, you’re

not buying it on sale.

* Buy what you need, not what you want. America’s prosperity has

created a status race in which we’re all running to get the latest

iPod or SUV. We want them because we’re bombarded with daily messages

about how much better our lives will be once we’ve acquired these

things.

Make your purchases on a rational basis, not an emotional one.

Decide before buying anything whether it is something you want, or

something you need. If it’s something you want, remember that you

have to work to pay for it and the more you work, the less time

you’ll be spending with your family.

* Turn off the TV. Bear with me here because this may be the last

time for a while that I’ll get to badger you about your TV viewing.

TV is bad for families. When you’re watching TV, you’re not doing so

many other things, such as talking to each other, playing games

together, reading, exercising and so much more.

Families who turn off the TV report more harmony, more peace and

quiet and more time to do things they usually put off (like pay

credit card bills). After a few weeks, TV is replaced by other

activities and they wonder where they ever got the time to watch it

in the first place.

* Create “kid time.” This is time during the day or evening when

nothing except a life or death emergency interrupts you from spending

time with your kids. It means staying off the cell phone at soccer or

Little League games, turning off the phone at dinner and/or setting

aside a few minutes before bed.

* Set an example. If you don’t want your kids to use bad

language, don’t use it yourself. If you want them to save money

instead of spend it, save money yourself. And if you want them to

tidy up after themselves, tidy up after yourself first.

Don’t expect your kids to do as you say, not as you do. Set the

right example so you don’t give them an excuse to do things the wrong

way.

Thanks to the parents and kids who brought issues and people to my

attention and helped make this column fun to write. I hope that it

made you think.

See you soon!

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and a freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(714) 966-4664.