The grammar guru’s warning: Be sensitive to case at all times

JUNE CASAGRANDE

Someone I said goodbye to a long time ago just can’t seem to let me

go.

Five-and-a-half years after a very painful split, I’m still

surprised to find little remembrances in my mailbox -- birthday

cards, even invitations to rekindle what we once had.

This is true despite the fact that I’ve moved several times, and I

make it a point to never offer up my new address. Yet this

once-special someone manages to track me down every time.

That someone is Philip Morris. Just this week I received in my

mailbox a slick, 12-page booklet announcing the fabulous 50th

anniversary of the beloved Marlboro brand.

The pages are mostly dedicated to alluring cowboy imagery. Each

page contains no more than five to 11 words of copy -- a startlingly

cost-inefficient way to convey a message.

I would think that with all the lawsuits they’ve been battling,

the best they could afford was a hand-printed plea on a single sheet

of rolling paper, but apparently they managed to save some of the

money I forked over to them for all those years.

Those five to 11 words per page, of course, don’t include the

little legal notices at the bottom.

That includes stuff like, “15 mg ‘tar,’ 1.1 mg nicotine av. per

cigarette by FTC method. The amount of ‘tar’ and nicotine you inhale

will vary depending on how you smoke the cigarette.”

I think by that they mean that very little bad stuff will get into

you as long as you don’t actually light the cigarette.

I read the little brochure, hoping to find some glaring typos. No

such luck.

The closest thing to a “mistake” I found is a very minor sin,

indeed, by this otherwise angelic organization. Still, it’s good

stuff to know.

A warm-hearted piece of cowboy poetry at the bottom of each page

reads, “SURGEON GENERAL’S WARNING: Smoking By Pregnant Women May

Result in Fetal Injury, Premature Birth And Low Birth Weight.”

Now, aside from the companies’ choice not to mention that smoking

affects the mothers themselves, nonpregnant women and even men,

there’s one little thing wrong with this statement.

The word “in” has a lowercase “I,” though all the other

prepositions and articles are capitalized. That’s not how it should

be done. Whenever you’re writing a headline or title or anything with

capital letters beginning most words, lowercase the prepositions,

articles and other lightweight little words containing three or fewer

letters. So “the,” “and,” “in,” “to,” etc., should be left lowercase,

unless of course they’re part of another title or otherwise integral

to the headline.

For example, if I were writing a Shakespeare-inspired headline

about the thought process that caused me to dump the Marlboro man,

I’d write: “Is Emphysema To Be or Not To Be?”

In the examples, “This Cough Comes Straight From Flavor Country,”

and, “Did That Stuff Come From My Lungs?” notice that the F in “From”

is capitalized.

That’s because “from” has more than three letters. Little words

such as “my” that aren’t prepositions sometimes require a judgment

call.

If the word seems integral to the meaning of the headline, go

ahead and capitalize the M.

And of course, a corrected version of the Marlboro warning would

read, “Smoking by Pregnant Women May Result in Fetal Injury,

Premature Birth and Low Birth Weight; Smoking by Everyone Else May

Result in Lots of Unbelievably Horrible Stuff, Too. Ask Your Doctor

Whether You Should Take Up Smoking.”

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

[email protected].