All right, let’s get to it before I freak out

JUNE CASAGRANDE

A friend asked me to read a screenplay. (Quick -- guess what county I

live in.) The friend asked me to look over the script because the

protagonist is a newspaper reporter, and my friend thought my years

of newsroom experience could bring a little realism.

People who read this column regularly can probably guess that my

friend got more than he bargained for. Yup: hyphens and spelling

corrections and commas and so much commentary on grammar that there’s

no way it could have been welcome.

But that delightful nagging didn’t come until after my even less

charming rants about journalism. You see, the story starts off with a

distressed woman turning to an investigative reporter for “help.” The

situation gets ugly when the reporter’s boss forbids her to write the

article because the head editor has powerful political connections to

the agency being investigated.

Insert sound of columnist shrieking in frustration here.

To say this set me off on a tirade is a bit of an understatement.

To say this set me off on a 12-page typed, single-spaced tirade that

included an overview of how newspapers operate is a little more

accurate, but this still doesn’t convey the full effect of me foaming

at the mouth and typing away like some manifesto-mad Unabomber.

I suppose I could have summed up those 12 pages as follows:

Journalists aren’t private investigators, and there’s not a newspaper

editor in the country who would tell a reporter to kill a story for

this reason. It’s all I can do to refrain from typing another 12

pages on the subject here and now, but, luckily for you, we’re here

to talk about language.

Insert sound of columnist taking a very deep breath.

Moving on.

The one thing that struck me most about the writing in the script

-- besides disturbingly pervasive misperceptions about journalism --

is that it contained a lot of the same mistakes I see everywhere.

It’s the kind of stuff that’s repeated over and over in casual

e-mails, in scripts, in business letters -- everywhere. Many of these

mistakes were clearly the result of carelessness and not ignorance.

For example, the writer often demonstrated a clear understanding of

the difference between “it’s” and “its,” yet at other times got them

wrong.

Reading further, I realized I’d stumbled upon a valuable cache of

cautionary examples. So here, dear readers, is my list of most common

pitfalls you should take care to avoid whenever you want your writing

to appear professional.

Even if you know the difference between “it’s” and “its,” it is

very easy to type the wrong one. Pause and ask yourself: Do I mean

“it is”? If so, “it’s” is correct. But if you’re aiming for a

possessive, such as, “filming of the big-budget blockbuster was

stopped in its tracks after the producer discovered a grammatical

error in the script,” then no apostrophe for you.

“Whose” versus “who’s” is another startlingly common mistake. I’m

horrified to admit that I’ve caught myself on several occasions

typing “whose” when I meant to write “who’s.” Luckily, I caught it in

time using the same basic strategy as stated above. I asked myself

whether I meant to use a contraction of the words “who” and “is,” or

whether I was writing about possession: “a writer whose mistakes

embarrassed her.”

Here’s one that will come as a shock to anyone who grew up

listening to rock music. “Alright” is not a word. Period. Anyone who

recalls the famous song by The Who might want to note here that “the

kids are all wrong.” It should always be two words. “All right.” All

right?

“Let’s” has a tendency to show up often in place of “lets.” This

one requires a little more thought. “Let’s” is a contraction of “let

us,” which people almost never say anymore. In fact, if you ever hear

a teenager say, “Let us go now to the Britney Spears concert,” please

take note that Ritalin doses might have to be adjusted. “Lets” is a

conjugated form of the verb “to let.” I let. You let. He lets. Again,

just stop and ask yourself which one you mean: “Let’s never again try

to correct every little typo in the screenplay of someone who lets me

read his work.”

* JUNE CASAGRANDE is a freelance writer. She can be reached at

[email protected].