Getting another chance at love

Marilyn Vogel, 68, and Basil Klen, 72, were two senior singles who

weren’t dating much, or not at all in Marilyn’s case.

Klen had been single for three years and had been mismatched with

other singles. Vogel didn’t date at all because she was certain she’d

never find someone to replace her husband of 32 years.

But along came fate at the Widows/Widowers Support Group at the

Costa Mesa Senior Center, where they met in 2002. The Costa Mesa

couple has been inseparable ever since. During this past holiday

season, Klen proposed to Vogel during a Christmas brunch in the same

chair that he first met her. The couple plans to marry in the fall.

The Pilot’s Luis Pena recently sat down with the loving couple

that proved Cupid can make a match at any age.

How long were the both of you single before you met each other?

Vogel: Twelve years. I lost my husband and I never went out with

anyone ever. I was waiting for “Mr. Perfect” and then I settled for

Basil (laughter).

Klen: About three years. My wife passed away in August of ’99 and

I met Marilyn in July of 2002.

How was the dating scene for both of you before you met?

Klen: I wasn’t dating anyone seriously. Every once in a while I’d

take somebody to dinner or something, nothing real serious. But I

spent a lot of time going to the senior center at Costa Mesa and the

senior center at Corona del Mar. They always had a widow/widowers

group there that I went to.

Vogel: I was grandma and took care of my grandkids and stayed

home. My kids took me on trips with them and things like that. We

went to Disneyland a lot.

Did you ever think that you would be getting married again at your

age?

Vogel: The first words he told me were “I’m never getting married

again,” and I said I’m certainly not getting married again. And we

thought, “Oh boy, this is really nice.” I knew I wasn’t, absolutely

knew I wasn’t. This is why people should never ever give up hope,

because I had given up hope, because I had a real successful 32-year

marriage and I knew that I couldn’t find anybody ever again as good

as my husband. And the same way with him. He had a very successful 43

years and he felt the same way. We had wonderful relationships. I

think it isn’t only finding someone because you are lonely, it’s that

chemistry and the chemistry isn’t always there when people try to

force that, and the chemistry was here from the very beginning so it

made it very easy.

Klen: I thought I’d never get married again.

Was it love at first sight?

Klen: That’s what I thought when I looked up at her I thought, I

gotta know this woman better. I don’t know, it was just there. It’s

hard to explain I guess.

Vogel: You really don’t go to the senior center to find love as

much as you do to find companionship and friendship, and when it

strikes you go, “Oh my gosh.” And it has struck several times --

there’s several other couples that are going together and things too,

so it isn’t just us. Once I came back down to Earth and went, “Oh my

gosh, I am accepting a ride.” See, we went to the Oasis Senior Center

the first date and I’m going, “I accepted a ride with somebody I

don’t even know.” So, that’s when I asked my friend Maureen and she

said, “Oh, he’s harmless. You need to go with him,” and I said “OK.”

I think when you get old you’re really cautious, even more so than

when you are teenagers. And when you haven’t dated for years and

years, I mean, my gosh, it was almost 42 years or more, you go, “How

do I even do this?” But boy, I never said no.

How did you woo each other?

Vogel: The first time Maureen took us down to Dana Point, she

would not let me sit in the back with him, so she drove and I had to

sit in the front and I held his hand all the way. He’s in the back

and I’m holding his hand -- now that is love isn’t it? And the next

day I go, “My hand is paralyzed.” We were with Maureen those first

few dates. Then we started out on our own, going on the cruise and

just walking at the beach. And some of the real perks of this is the

fact that seniors tend to have the tendency to stay home, don’t go

anywhere and don’t do anything. We started walking and going places

and going out and all this stuff. We lost weight and were going out

and all this stuff. We are really happy, and people treat us

differently, which has been a real perk. My kids treat me great, the

people at the senior center treat me better, and it’s like I have a

whole new life now. People that sit home and feel sorry for

themselves are really missing out. He has a rose garden, so I get

roses all the time. I had never gone out on Valentine’s Day for years

and years, and so he took me to a fancy restaurant in Dana Point and

flowers and candy and jewelry and the whole thing.

How has it been as a single senior versus being single when you

were in your teens, 20s, etc.?

Klen: I felt like I was back in my teens when I meet her.

Vogel: I feel so much younger than I have for years and years, I

really do. I think the real point of this and the real perk is that

when you’re older like this, you appreciate things you never

appreciated when you were young or when you’re single. I used to look

at couples holding hands and I’d go, “Oh, if I only had just one more

chance at that I would be so much more loving and so much more

caring.” Because when you’re young, you’ve got kids to raise, you

have to work, you have to do all that stuff, and now that we’re

retired -- both of us -- we don’t have the energy to do anything

except walk on the beach and like each other and love each other and

be good to each other, and I think we appreciate each other so much

more. He used to work at McDonnell Douglass and he’d get up at 5:30

and 5 a.m. and things, and I worked hard all of my life, too.... As

far as the dating, per se, it’s pretty much the same. The senior set

can be kind of catty.... You get the choice guy and all of the sudden

there is a little bit of jealously there.

What were the both of you looking for in a possible significant

other?

Klen: I was looking for a person that was honest and fun loving

with a sense of humor.

Vogel: I had to have “Mr. Perfect” or nobody.... I wanted someone

that was fun and would love me for me. Then there’s always the money

issue. I think what sold me the most was that he never asked ever

what my husband did, what I did, how much money I had or anything

about it. And I go, “Wow, this is somebody who just really likes me.”

And then some of the people at the senior center would say, “Oh, he’s

a good catch, you can go on all of these cruises.” I get sick

watching the merry-go-round. I don’t need to go around on a cruise.

And so it wasn’t anything he had except for him -- just him. And

there was something there that I thought, “Wow, this is it.” But no,

I wasn’t looking. I seriously was not at all because I thought

anybody I want would have to be so perfect, and if they were that

perfect they wouldn’t want me, so I’m not looking. And I don’t drink

and I don’t smoke and I don’t go to bars and I don’t dance that much,

so that leaves your social life pretty much it. And going to

Disneyland with your grandkids, you don’t meet too many eligible

bachelors.

With all of your past and present experiences, what is the best

piece of advice on relationships that you could give to someone?

Klen: Honesty is the big thing with me; just tell it like it is

and don’t try to butter-coat anything.

Vogel: You don’t want to ask people questions if you don’t want

the truth, because no matter how bad it hurts, he’ll tell you. First

thing is money means nothing. You don’t judge a person by their car,

their trips and what they have to give you. You offer what you can

give them and in return, you will receive what you need. Being honest

and fun-loving is what counts. The essentials are fine, yes, I don’t

want to live under a bridge either, but we have a tendency to always

think of economical things first, especially when we are older, and

that means nothing to me, it really does not. I’ve had people say,

“Oh well gee whiz, this guy has a big car, this guy has a big house,

this guy has this and this.” So what if you don’t like him if you

aren’t compatible. If you can’t stand him, if you don’t have fun,

what good is all of that? What does it mean? I’d rather go out and

work for it myself -- that’s why I was alone for 12 years. I think

that’s where the mistake is made in any relationship nowadays. We go

for the economics. We also settle for second-best and I was not

willing to do that. I wanted the best or nothing.

How will the both of you celebrate Valentines Day this year?

Vogel: We will probably end up at our favorite place along the

beach, which we refuse to tell and we’ll probably stay up longer than

any teenager around. We’re night owls. So we’ll have a romantic

dinner like everyone else -- I’m sure I’ll get flowers and a gift.

And we will have a good time. There’ll be some hanky panky going on,

is that what you want to know? Hey, just because we’re seniors, we’re

not dead.