Children are in school to learn about life

Children’s cruelty to others begins at home. Sue Clark’s admonitions

of disdain for name-calling and cruel remarks from children in school

are certainly idealistic (“Ignore it, and it doesn’t go away,”

Tuesday).

The remarks of which she speaks start in kindergarten. What’s

sometimes forgotten is that going to school is a social enterprise.

Our teachers and parents tell us that we are there to learn. Ah, but

learn what? Children understand two things that most parents and

teachers totally miss: that school is not supposed to be a prison of

the mind or spirit and that each one is very different from others

that they go to school with.

These differences make children want to follow the basic mandate:

You are there to learn. They learn by discovering that not everyone

is like them. They learn that they like certain people and others

not. They learn that not everyone dresses the same or has the same

values. They learn that by picking on others or saying mean things,

they can find out why people are like they are. This applies to

teachers, parents and everyone in their eye line.

Perhaps it all starts when children are at age 2 and learn to say

no. They overuse it because it elicits a response, and instead of

playing with a spinning top, they play with other people’s emotions

and attitudes. They see grown-ups do the same thing every day in a

more stealthy manner and don’t quite understand why they just don’t

come out with the truth. Remember the statement “only kids and drunks

will tell you the truth”?

Bullying tactics that are mean, many times are far less out front,

but more subtle, and just as hurtful. A passing glance of disdain,

making a face when you do something or just ignoring a person, may be

far more painful that being called “tubby.” Do we consider this

“bullying behavior”? The facts are that getting a name of any kind

actually creates what children want more than anything else: an

identity. They find that these names change over time and that they

have the power to make the necessary changes to adopt to any peer

group -- if they want to.

Mom always told you: You better get tough! What did that mean? It

meant that those that you go to school with are just like you. They

are lonely, can’t relate and dislike most of the people they see.

They realize that some parents have more money than others and many

are very cruel. They finally learn that they have to take individual

responsibility for their actions (not blaming it on people they hang

out with) and learn the valuable lesson of hanging out with a better

group of people -- if they can.

Too bad that teachers and parents continue to fail to understand

that children go to school to get life instruction in how to deal

with rejection, approbation and misrepresentation. They are there to

learn logic and how to enjoy life when all of those around them are

busy trying to pick or bully on others to fill up their days.

They learn that “bullying” is just a filler occupation to make

others feel empowered to their buddies. They will rejoice in seeing

at their class reunions those bullies who often fall on hard times.

All of us continue the life’s work of trying to relate to others, and

Sue Clark probably needs to help children understand that it’s all

part of growing up -- rather than trying to stamp on ants while the

elephants get away.

“You can call me Ray or you can call Jay -- but just call me!”

RON and ANNA WINSHIP

Newport Beach