One candidacy disappeared in the thick of the night

LOLITA HARPER

It’s another political conspiracy designed to keep the drinking man

down.

In an attempt to bootleg democracy, somebody kidnapped local

gubernatorial candidate Captain Morgan. That’s right, the 8-foot

symbol of rambling truth, liquid courage and the American way was

taken from his Via Lido home at Overstreet Bar.

Dennis Overstreet, the owner of the Lido Village hot spot,

suspects it was done “in order to possibly disrupt the recall

election party and hold the election process hostage.” Law

enforcement officials were notified and put out an APB -- all pirates

bulletin. Overstreet said he is hoping for an Amber Alert to inform

folks of the disappearance of this fine man who was last seen hanging

out of the back of a van wearing a red jacket, black captain’s hat,

black boots and black beard.

Although he was still mourning the strange disappearance of his

favorite candidate, Overstreet opened his doors to the masses to

enjoy a smooth drink and some comic relief following the historic

gubernatorial election Tuesday.

“The whole thing is just a giggle,” Overstreet said. “As if the

entire election wasn’t.”

Although the captain’s chances to take the helm of the state are

slim to none, people from all over Newport-Mesa gathered at his

campaign headquarters to celebrate. The joint was overflowing with

enthusiasm as voters poured in, proudly wearing their “I voted”

stickers.

Overstreet’s Bar hosted “An All Parties Party” for all those who

had cast their vote Tuesday and wanted to finally forget the recall.

To make sure there were no hard feelings, Overstreet welcomed all

voters and designated a space for each camp. There was the Arnold

Schwarzenegger closet, with just enough skeletons to win. The Cruz

Bustamante room (no legal residency required). The Tom McClintock

room, where gamblers were welcome, and the Gray Davis room, which

displayed a greyhound on a bus, waving.

“We don’t know if he is going to Sacramento or somewhere else,”

Overstreet said.

The barkeep also allowed partyers in the Arnold corner if “you

promise not to grope the skeletons” and said a simple drivers license

is all it would take for anyone to hang in Cruz control.

While Captain Morgan is very popular throughout the state, and

especially in Newport-Mesa, he did have his enemies. This candidate

supported a woman’s right to choose between Original Spiced Rum and

Parrot Bay and never held a strong stance on the car tax, as it is

only an issue for the designated driver. The only party Morgan has

loyalties to is the one he is at. Elephants and donkeys are merely

party favors.

His womanizing has also been called into question because he has a

different “Morganette” -- a sexy little mattey -- each month. His

platform to lower alcohol taxes and “stop the spiraling deficit on

fun” did not sit well with blue-haired school marms and fretful

father figures.

If anyone sees the 8-foot pirate hanging in the back of a frat

house, please, alert the authorities, then pour him a shot and break

the loss to him easily.

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and

covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275 or

by e-mail at lolita.harper@ latimes.com.