So-called circus is almost over

PETER BUFFA

It’s almost over. Frankly, I’m disappointed. We were promised a

circus. When someone promises me a circus, I expect a circus. If this

was it, it was pretty wimpy.

Arnold is fighting his way through the now- traditional slime-the-

frontrunner closing weekend, but most people will see through that.

And now, in a matter of days, it will be done. Actually, that’s not

true.

No matter what happens on Tuesday, there will be a boatload of

recount demands, court challenges and who knows what.

I know it seems like it’s been forever and a day, but it was just

60 days ago that the drive to put a recall measure on the ballot was

certified, and the race to re-governorize (it’s a technical term)

California was on. When 135 men, women and a few who were

questionable were certified as candidates, the rest of the country

laughed and laughed. “Look at that wacky California,” they said, “135

people running for governor. Ridiculous.”

There was the has-been sitcom star, the adult film “actress,” two

Indian chiefs and a list of occupations that included “Marijuana

Legalization Attorney,” “Middleweight Sumo Wrestler” and “Cigarette

Retailer.” Apparently, he didn’t want to be confused with a cigarette

wholesaler.

“Watch this,” America said, as they settled into lawn chairs from

Idaho to Alabama and looked westward, “This will be great!”

But after a few loopy stories about Gary Coleman, Larry Flynt and

a Sumo wrestler or two, four score and fifty-five came down to seven:

Gray, Arnold, Tom, Cruz, (Get it? “Tom Cruz?”) Peter, Bill, and

Arianna.

The Cruzer hit some bumps when he unveiled his “Tough Love” plan

for California, which was basically an $8 billion tax increase.

Yikes. That is tough. And exactly where does the “love” part come in?

Laundering $1.5 million from various California tribes through his

2002 campaign for lieutenant governor wasn’t that big a hit either.

And now, driven by a number of polls released earlier this week,

seven are down to two -- the Gray Man and Arnold.

For those of us who are interested in the fun factor, Arianna

Huffington decided, sadly, to pull the plug on her campaign this

week. She did in typical Arianna fashion, which is to say, strangely.

Shortly after she entered the race, Arianna made the bizarre

announcement that she was “teaming up” with Peter Camejo, the Green

Party candidate. No one could figure out what that meant. Unless

memory fails me, we only allow one person to be governor of

California at a time, thank you.

She quickly set up more Web sites than Microsoft and started

savaging just about everyone in the race. One of her sites offered an

animated sequence called “The Special Interest Brothel,” with cartoon

characters of the other candidates, with George Bush and Dick Cheney

thrown in for some reason, all performing in G-strings and bow ties

like a team of Chippendale dancers gone bad, When this weeks polls

made it clear the number of people supporting Arianna would not be

enough to win and she asked all 12 of them to now vote against the

recall, as she will. Uhh, OK.

But just when it seemed there was nothing left to care about,

nothing left to be passionate about in this very special election,

along comes Taco Bell. The fast-food emporium has been running an

election of its own to determine who will be the next big enchilada

in California.

Anyone can vote in their “Recall Election Taco Poll,” and as long

as you can pony up a couple of bucks for a taco or a burrito, your

vote will be counted. Taco Bell’s slogan is “Think outside the bun,”

and they obviously live by it. “Who says you can’t buy votes?” the

company’s Web Site asks. “Stop by any Taco Bell Restaurant between

now and Election Day, and buy a vote for your candidate in the Taco

Bell Recall Election Taco Poll.” They will record every beef crunchy

taco sold as a vote for Schwarzenegger, every chicken soft taco as a

vote for Davis, every chalupa as a vote for Bustamante, and every

grilled burrito as a vote for the rest of the horde combined.

“Undecided?” they ask. “Vote for everyone. We’ll announce the

final Taco Poll results on the day before the election. Sure it’s a

little different. But so is this election.”

Boy is that the truth. As far as I’m concerned, this could be

redemption for Taco Bell. I have never gotten over the fact that they

sent Dinky the Chihuahua packing. I still miss the little guy

something awful, but this may ease the pain and the sense of loss.

Anyway, you know the drill. If you’re not doing the absentee

thing, make sure you hit the voting booth on Tuesday. It’s your

right, your responsibility, and your privilege. Oh, yeah, almost

forgot. What’s going to happen? Simple. On Wednesday morning, Gray

Davis will be cleaning out his office, and the sign painters in the

hall will be trying to figure out how to fit “Governor Arnold

Schwarzenegger” all on one line.

By the way, speaking of Schwarzenegger’s, anyone lucky enough to

have heard Maria Shriver address the California Women’s Leadership

Association -- a prominent group for Republican women co-founded by

our very own Marian Bergeson -- at the Balboa Bay Club on Friday,

left the room ready to form a “Shriver for Governor” committee. It

was one of the most articulate and passionate addresses that anyone

has made or heard in a good long time. “JFK’s Niece Homers at

GOP-OC-BBC Bash.” Now there’s a headline you don’t see too often.

Vote. It’s good for you. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs

Sundays. He may be reached by e-mail at [email protected].