In the company of women

CHASING DOWN THE MUSE

” ... up the long rope ... hand over hungry hand.”

-- LUCILLE CLIFTON

What is it about women in the company of other women that is so

appealing, so energetic? Is it really as simple as my friend Fred and

I discussed recently? Women want caring, understanding and trust and

so they give caring, understanding and trust. This creates a strong

mutual feeling that doesn’t exist for a man who wants trust and

appreciation. I wonder.

The chase after my muse often leads me into the open arms of poets

like Marge Piercy, Mary Oliver, Lucille Clifton, May Sarton and

others. Their words nurture and feed me, stimulate and stir up

longings and memories, move me to laughter and tears and much, much

more. In the poetry of these artists, as with so many writers, I

think we find something of ourselves, of our own experience of life.

Our joy, pain, triumph, defeat, lust, hopes, fears and losses are

given dignity in their words.

It seems no small accident that the poets I mention here are

women. Even when I have not had the life experiences of these women

poets, it is as if there is some genetic or archetypal “knowing” in

my connection to their words. It is in this same knowledge that I

find myself enjoying the company of women.

Now, don’t get me wrong. I like men. I like them a lot, in fact.

And lately I’ve had an unexpected craving for the company of women --

for the sharing of life’s triumphs and defeats, its passions and

pains, its sorrows and joys with them; for the comfort and

understanding in that same sharing. And perhaps I have also longed

for the caring, understanding and respect women give.

Recently, I have been blessed to be part of groups of women

gathered together in celebration. One instance was a diverse group of

about 85 women from the ages of six weeks to 87 years. The first

thing I noticed was the high energy in the room. Though the day was

one of oppressive, muggy heat that had lingered into evening, there

was a high, light energy here--connections being made, sparking more

energy around the room in a snapping, crackling current.

Just as the poetry of the women writers that I so love seems for

all women, the celebration seemed for all the women there a

celebration of insights and words and actions flowing in and through

all their lives. In fact, the celebration was about all their lives,

not just one. It was about how those who were friends had touched and

influenced each other and about how they could touch and influence

the women they each were meeting for the first time.

I was both sated by and left longing for more of the energy that

was so abundant in that room. It was there in spite of the oppressive

heat. The energy was there because 85 women were engaging each other

and life. It was there because 85 women were greeting old friends and

making new ones. It was there because 85 women came together to

celebrate life and so they did. And, maybe, it was the caring,

understanding and trust present among these same women.

On another day, in both contrast and confirmation of what was

found at this celebration, there was the gentle, comforting energy of

an afternoon tea honoring a friend’s daughter who is soon to be

married. While the afternoon was for gifting Kendra with kitchen

spices and more, there was a strong sense that the real gift was the

one of the kinship of women. In the midst of the patio garden filled

with redolent roses and draped in green vines, the wafting breeze

caressed and connected us -- both strangers and those who had strong

bonds built over time. As I looked around, I could definitely sense

the presence of caring, understanding and trust. It also felt as if

the value of women among women was being passed on, as well.

Staring out over the sparkling sea over a celebratory glass of

sparkling champagne with a friend, a one-on-one lunch on yet another

August day is just one more instance of my own enjoyment in the

company of women. My friend and I have the pleasure of sharing truths

as we know them, unearthing buried hurts and angers to chew over

along with the salad, and nurturing and toasting hopes and dreams.

Underlying it all is that same caring, understanding and respect that

I’ve come to look for now.

Whatever hardships or failures we endure, I find these moments

spent in the company of women make it all worthwhile. Whether because

of the testimony of each of their lives or the hope for the elusive

“more” or the mutuality of our life experience I cannot say with any

certainty. What I do know is that in these moments my heart is full

and I know more of the colors of joy.

So I revel in these moments of shared celebration in the company

of women before the next pull up the rope ... hand over hungry hand.

* CHERRIL DOTY is a creative living coach, writer, artist, and

walker who lives and works in Laguna Beach. Contact her by e-mail at

[email protected] or by phone at (949) 251-3993. Your comments

are appreciated.