Dog parkers barking up wrong tree

Dude, I want my free T-shirt.

I trucked myself out to Costa Mesa City Hall on Wednesday night

for the Parks and Recreation Commission meeting with the promise that

if I attended I would likely walk away with a free T-shirt, hat or

video, according to an e-mail from skate park coalition daddy Jim

Gray. I didn’t get squat. Not even a sticker for my board.

(Ah hah! She’s biased. Why yes, yes I am.)

What I did get was an earful of some of the most creative excuses

I have ever heard to ban a skate park at TeWinkle. Now, don’t get

your tail fur in a bunch. I do understand that many supporters of the

Bark Park are in favor of a skate park -- and skateboarders -- just

not at TeWinkle. I got it. But even dog lovers have to admit, some of

the reasons to ban the park are a hoot. Check them out for yourself:

1. Dogs like to attack things that are moving, or rolling, such as

skateboarders.

This was an argument given by Catherine Mitchell, the leader of

the Costa Mesa Bark Park Foundation. More than 45% of all dog bites

happen in regards to “activities” such as bike riding, roller

skating, running or skateboarding, Mitchell said, citing a study done

in El Dorado. Put a kid on wheels in front of a dog and you are just

asking for trouble.

Fellow foundation member Pat Bell agreed vehemently.

“Mixing dogs and skateboarders in the same parking lot is

ludicrous,” she said, without having seen preliminary drafts of the

site that even suggest such a concept.

So, let me get this straight: Children of Costa Mesa should not

have a place to practice the most popular activity in the area

because dog owners can’t stop their pets from attacking things that

are moving. Okie, dokie. Next argument.

2. The horses at the equestrian center will be frightened by the

additional noise.

People who board their horses at the Fairgrounds Equestrian

center, such as Patricia Graham, think the constant racket of

skateboards grinding and wheels smacking the pavement will scare the

precious ponies.

Somebody correct me if I am wrong, but are we talking about the

same species that we fought wars with? The same animals that get

leather things strapped in their mouths, a heavy saddle mounted on

their backs and their sides kicked and whipped to make them run

faster? They sound pretty fragile to me.

Not that horseback riding is cruel, or anything, but I would

imagine that Mr. Ed would tell us he would rather be a little annoyed

by the distant sound of skaters than have 120-pound grown woman

jumping him over three logs in 80-degree weather.

Oh yeah, did I mention, this equestrian center is not even on the

same property? Uh huh, it’s across the street. Straight-talking mom

Lynn Aldridge said it the best:

“I am sorry, but the horses are next to the freeway, the

fairgrounds and a softball field. I think they will adjust.”

Amen, sista.

3. Costa Mesa officials are pulling a fast one.

First the city bullies take away the dogs’ park at Fairview, and

now they are trying to sneak in a skate park under their wet little

noses.

“It was just gone,” Bell said about a bark park at Fairview. “Then

we had no notice about TeWinkle ... . This was all done behind our

backs.”

Apparently, the folks at the Bark Park have a contract with the

city that they be notified of any changes to the TeWinkle master

plan. Bell said the group had no time to participate in the TeWinkle

Park Master Plan because they were so busy working on their second

Bark Park at Fairview Park.

The dog park was removed from the Fairview Park master plan on

Nov. 18, and two days later, the city was meeting about putting a

skate park at TeWinkle, Mitchell added.

First of all, if you want to blame anyone for the removal of a

pooch playground at Fairview, blame the burrowing owl that the State

Department of Fish and Game insists on protecting. It’s not like the

city wanted to remove the bark park.

Secondly, there is this nifty thing called public notification.

Any government entity is required by state law to give notice at

least 24 hours before a meeting. This is mandated by the Ralph M.

Brown Act and criminally punishable. So, whether Bark Park foundation

members got a personal invitation is still up for debate, but to say

it was done behind their backs is a gross exaggeration.

4. Dogs need to socialize.

Man’s best friend needs time to make his own friends. Time to

spend with other four-legged pals. Time to sniff out some, uh, new

interests.

Here’s an idea. Since Costa Mesa’s canines need more space to

mingle, I suggest they hold Victorian tea parties in the Huscroft

House just down the way. It’s in perfect condition for dogs. It’s

charming and historic and fills that cultural void that too many

puppies must go without because of budget cuts and big meanies who

would rather use parkland for children’s recreation.

Forget the kids these days -- they’re just a bunch of punked-out,

pierced trouble-makers, anyhoo. Which brings us to ludicrous argument

No. 5.

5. Skateboarders are a bunch of hooligans.

Never mind that about a dozen little spike-haired future hotties

gave up one of their last nights of summer to speak at a happening

parks and recs meeting -- they aren’t productive members of society.

Wood is for building, not attaching wheels to and raising hell on.

Why can’t they do something positive with their time, such as bowl

or ice-skate? Give back to the community? Do a little charity?

Educate themselves? Read a book -- but none of those racy, violent,

profane or horribly scientific books?

No ... here’s a better idea. In addition to putting them down and

calling them everything from rebels to drug dealers, why not curtail

their unruly conduct by making their pastime illegal and then

refusing to provide a structured spot for them to “socialize?”

That’ll show ‘em.

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and

covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275 or

by e-mail at [email protected].