Dreaming doesn’t get it done

After enduring what seemed to be weeks of television hype relative to

the eventual production of the original Kobe Bryant Show last week,

some thoughts arose regarding sports and television in general, and

what I would proclaim if I were indeed the grand commissioner of all

these things of importance.

Since Kobe chose to bring the NBA into the center ring in July,

I’ll start with the NBA.

In the big picture, I think the “traveling violation” should be

brought back in the NBA, so players would no longer be able to run

from one end of the court to the other without dribbling. And the

game was never meant for hanging on the rim. It would stop.

In terms of Lakers, Shaquille O’Neal would be required to answer

the question when someone wonders aloud why he has such hard time

with a free throw, something even the youngest of players have little

trouble accomplishing. As opposed to the O’Neal glare for daring to

ask such a trivial question.

On the college level, Dick Vitale would be placed in retirement,

right away. TV timeouts during play would be a thing of the past.

And on the prep level, shoe companies, as well as a certain stupid

football, would be banned from any association with anything remotely

connected to high school athletics.

Regarding the football, which must be played by all during the

playoffs, according to the CIF Southern Section, it is a sellout of

principles for the almighty dollar and it reeks with stench.

Several football coaches recognized it, fought back and were

slapped around, and accused by CIF for unsportsmanlike conduct.

One of them was Bob Johnson of Mission Viejo, who should be given

a medal at the next Southern California Interscholastic Football

Coaches’ Association meeting.

Sadly, Los Alamitos Inc., also known as the Sunset League

Invitational and sometimes as the CIF-SS, continues to grab the free

check and force this stupid football down the throats of coaches who

don’t want it.

As for the shoe companies, that’s pretty much a given. Anyone with

any knowledge at all of the subject knows very well the damage the

(glorified tennis) shoe companies have done to the game. It’s been

well documented. They possess nothing but greed and not an ounce of

shame or care for high school athletics.

Also in football, the two-minute warning in the NFL would be

labeled for what it is: A television timeout. Better yet, keeping

with television’s insistence to speed things up, it would be

eliminated.

No football game on any level would have more than two TV

announcers in the booth, and no one from the world of television or

radio would be allowed on or near the sidelines, or in the stands, at

all.

The Rose Bowl would be represented by the Pac-10’s best and an opponent to be named.

The bandits in the Atlantic Coast Conference would be banned from

any postseason competition for 10 years. Miami for 12.

The high school playoffs, in football and basketball, would be

split into two divisions. One for Parochial schools, another for

public and small private schools.

As for baseball, just a few basic items.

I’d demand phantom tags at second base be outlawed. A force out

requires that the ball reach second before the runner gets there, as

in tagging the bag, not just looking at the bag before throwing to

first to complete the double play. How fundamental can you get?

It’s been going on for years, as has the metamorphosis of the

strike zone. At the plate, of course, when the ball crosses the plate

and is four inches outside the box, the umpires should be required to

call it a ball. Even better if it simply misses the plate, it would

mean the strike zone was missed. Thus, it is not a strike.

The designated hitter rule would be shelved, and if the home

advantage in the World Series is to be continued as a format of the

All-Star game, then the players need to be picking the teams by

ballot. Not fans, or writers.

I would have all the announcers attend a weekly Vin Scully seminar

for the duration on how to do it, and the Tim McCarver cackling

syndrome would be outlawed. Actually, most everyone connected with

FOX-TV would be banned from the game. Joe Morgan would be exempt from

the Scully seminars.

Anyone with a corked bat would be banned for the balance of the

season. Offer a lame excuse? Make it two seasons.

As for hockey, just as he did for the Angels, Arturo Moreno would

be granted the Anaheim franchise so the Ducks could have an owner who

wanted them.

Gosh, I’m feeling better about things, already.

But as you can see, I’m pretty much living in a dream world.

I only wish the Kobe Bryant Show, now seemingly a daily staple,

was just a bad dream, as well.

Hey, see you next Sunday!

* ROGER CARLSON is the former sports editor for the Daily Pilot.

His column appears on Sundays. He can be reached by e-mail at

[email protected]