You don’t need to yell ‘action’ to this crowd

Today is the day I break into Hollywood.

Since I have no chance of getting into a shot of Fox’s new series

“The O.C.” (since it’s not being taped in Newport Beach, even though

it allegedly takes place here), I have focused my efforts on other

cinematic ventures. My newest ambition: A starring role in the

Newport Beach Police Department’s Fourth of July documentary.

I know it’s no “Terminator 3,” but the flick has its share of

blockbuster quality. There’s violence, partial nudity, adult language

and explosives -- I see big things for this independent film. Watch

out Cannes, here we come!

The video, which is shown every spring when the council starts

discussing more restrictions for “the war zone” in West Newport, is

made to show the general public the number of people who come down

here and the “type of activity” that takes place, Newport Beach Sgt.

Steve Shulman said.

“It’s one thing for the chief to explain what takes place, it’s

another thing to see it,” he said.

Last year’s video, which had three showings at City Hall and on

local cable (probably the raciest thing ever broadcast on Channel 3),

showed lots of fights, swearing, arrests and lawn urination. After

being detained by officers, one guy bashed his head into the back of

the patrol car and then flailed on the ground, shouting, “Rodney

King.”

Tough act to follow.

The department has its own camera person to shoot about three to

six hours of film each year, City Manager Homer Bludau said. The

final cut is edited down to about 10 minutes.

Mayor Steve Bromberg said the film tells the story of West Newport

as it starts to grow from sleepy beach community to party central. At

the beginning everyone is having a good time, he said, then the

crowds begin to gather and it’s a wall-to-wall party up and down the

streets.

(That’s my kind of script)

As the day wears on, the real fun, er, trouble, begins. The video

shows lots and lots of alcohol consumption, which is fine, Bromberg

said -- if you can handle it. But what becomes very clear on the tape

is that some people can’t.

“It starts to get ugly,” the mayor said.

When it gets dark and the sun goes down, Bromberg said, it is just

a bunch of people partying really hard. Similar to “the old frat

days,” he said, but worse. Bromberg said he is hoping to make it down

to “the war zone” to see for himself, but he couldn’t promise.

Is it only the rowdy drunks who make it to the small screen?

“Well, no. They show a lot of the folks down there being very

orderly,” Bromberg said.

With only 13 minutes out of six hours of footage making it to the

final product, I can’t take any chances of ending up on the cutting

room floor. I will have to really stand out. I must top the events of

previous years, which will be difficult.

Bludau said I could easily star in the video.

“You could probably act pretty naturally,” Bludau said. “Just be

yourself.”

Woo hoo! My first big break. I should be raking in quality scripts

like “Glitter” in no time.

Happy Fourth of July, everyone. Love ya, mean it.

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays and

covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275 or

by e-mail at [email protected].