A matter of finding the way for Irrelevant Week XXVIII

There are time slots for columnists.

When the Tea Cup Classic approaches, I’ll be thinking about

Marianne Towersey, and when Corona del Mar and Newport Harbor are

setting up for their Battle of the Bay, well, need I go on?

This week the subject is Irrelevant Week, but I find myself

unprepared, unable, unwilling, just plain unned.

The normal procedure with Irrelevant Week XXVIII’s Heisman-Lowsman

Banquet at the Anaheim Marriott the focal point, is to find some

interesting and humorous facts to lead up to Thursday’s big showcase.

That’s when Mr. Irrelevant XXVIII, Ryan Hoag, who was chosen last

in the National Football League college draft in April by the

powerful Oakland Raiders, and Heisman Trophy winner Carson Palmer,

who was picked first by the lowly Cincinnati Bengals, will be

toasted, perhaps with a little roast on the edges, by a blue-ribbon

crowd of true fans of the game.

If I were up to it, maybe I could get some inside information on

how to become a better quarterback with the use of Palmer’s new

little electronic game which is supposed to produce a whole new

generation of little Carson Palmers running around the football

field.

Or maybe I could dream up a scenario where Palmer and Hoag run

into each other on the field when Oakland hosts Cincinnati Sept. 14

in the second week of the upcoming NFL season. Something like Hoag,

the product of Gustavius Adolphus College, with four touchdown

receptions in the Raiders’ opener, opposing former USC star Palmer,

who is still trying to understand the introduction page in the

Bengals’ playbook?

Maybe I could find someone at Hoag Presbyterian Memorial Hospital

to adopt Ryan, so he would really be a local.

Or maybe I could run down the list of former USC quarterbacks who

will be in attendance to honor Palmer and recount some of their

endeavors, such as my all-time favorite, Craig Fertig, who endeared

himself forever when he led a surge to lift the Trojans to a

memorable 20-17 victory over Notre Dame in 1964. He’s now Estancia

High’s football coach and is unbeaten (0-0).

Maybe I could seek out USC football coach Pete Carroll and find

out if he’s aware he has a walk-on from Newport Harbor (Michael

McDonald) who is destined to become the second walk-on starter at

quarterback from Davidson Field, following one of the great Trojan

stories, written by Gordon Adams.

Perhaps I could ramble on about Carson Palmer Day in Orange County

on Thursday. That’s what the county’s board of supervisors say.

Maybe I could just fill the column with a lot of basic

information, that the banquet is 7 p.m. after a cocktail hour, that

you can still find an open seat if you call Ken Purcell at (714)

800-3152, and that all proceeds benefit the Orange County Youth

Sports Foundation and the Children’s Special Olympics.

There are a slug of other “heavyweights” to consider, such as

Peter Ueberroth or Ben Davidson, and many others who will be a part

of the celebration.

I guess I could talk about Palmer and his endeavors when a

quarterback at Santa Margarita High, when he turned in dazzling

performances against Newport Harbor and Corona del Mar high schools,

making him public enemy No. 1 in the Back Bay, or when he led the

Trojans to glory in the Orange Bowl, giving him Superman status.

I suppose I could recount some of the many very funny things that

have occurred over the years in an event that has really put Newport

Beach on the map in NFL gatherings under the hand of Irrelevant Week

founder Paul Salata, a once-upon-a-time USC receiver who went on to

the NFL and has become the poster boy in the field of masters of

ceremonies.

I could do all these things, I suppose, if my heart was in it.

Sadly, it is not.

For I find myself still numbed by the recent passing of Beverly

Salata, the sweet wife of Paul for 52 years and beautiful mother of

Melanie.

The show goes on, you know. Promises were made and real Trojans

continue the march, I guess.

Salata & Co. has obligations to fulfill and Thursday night’s show

will most assuredly be presented with the customary flair. It’s

always a night of positives and merriment.

But for the first time, Irrelevant Week truly is irrelevant, for

myself, and I think, many others.

That’s because that familiar twinkle in Salata’s eyes, this time,

will surely be glazed over with teardrops.

* ROGER CARLSON is the former sports editor for the Daily Pilot.

His column appears on Sundays. He can be reached by e-mail at

[email protected]