It’s a time to recognize the contributions of sauciers

I would like to dedicate this column to those starving students at UC

Irvine and all those who formally mourned the loss of 39-cent

hamburger Wednesdays at McDonalds.

If you didn’t have it marked on your calendars, March is a very

special month. I know what you all are thinking, St. Patrick’s Day

this and “Kiss me, I’m Irish” that, but this extraordinary event

trumps the lucky holiday. March is National Sauce Month.

(Put the bottle down. I didn’t say National Get-Sauced Month.)

Now, wait a minute, don’t go Ragu on me here. Hold your Pregos.

Take a deep breath and let it sink in. National Sauce Month. What a

noble time.

The folks at Olive Garden Restaurant agree and were kind enough to

send a press release with helpful tips for the saucy season. With

their guidance through this demanding month, hostesses across

Newport-Mesa can avoid the embarrassment of serving linguini with a

broth-based sauce. (Gasp.)

Paolo Lafata, senior chef of the Italian restaurant chain, tells

us that delicate pastas such as angel hair are best served with a

light sauce such as tomato pomodoro, marinara or pesto. It is with

these thinner noodles that you can also introduce those rich

broth-based sauces, he says.

As your noodles increase in girth, your sauce can get a little

heftier. Spaghetti, linguini or tubular pastas -- such as penne or

ziti -- are best paired with sauces that include chunks of sausage,

meats, veggies or seafood, Lafata advises.

Lafata suggests that flat, thick noodles be combined with heavier

meat or cream-based sauces, such as Alfredo or Bolognese.

(I thought there was some rule about no white sauce after Labor

Day, but perhaps I am being old-fashioned.)

Now that we have got the food portion ironed out, we wouldn’t want

to spoil this culinary brilliance with the wrong wine. In case you

are not in the know, Olive Garden has also given us a cheat sheet on

what sauce to serve with your sauce.

For pesto, the garden suggests pinot grigio. (Just think of the

letter “p.”) Sauvignon blanc also works in this case.

If you are serving marinara sauce, it is best to opt for

chardonnay, Sangiovese or pinot noir. I know that three wines in one

factoid can be a little daunting, so I took it upon myself to concoct

this helpful mnemonic device: My Clever Sister Pines for Nectar

(marinara, chardonnay, Sangiovese, pinot noir).

Alfredo calls for chardonnay or pinot grigio, (white with white),

and Barolo and Amarone are where the beef is. Finally, for those

fishy feasts, be sure to pour pinot grigio or chardonnay.

When in doubt, serve chardonnay. According to this list, you’ve

got a three in five chance of getting it right.

Although Lafata’s list was certainly helpful, I am a little

confused about some sauces I find in my kitchen regularly that did

not make the list.

For example, what kind of noodle goes best with Velveeta? I

usually serve it on macaroni. Is that OK? Also, I know that

chardonnay is supposed to go well with cream sauces, which prompts

two questions.

One: is processed cheese considered a cream? And two: Can I still

serve my usual Boones?

My son puts ketchup on everything. Is it considered a sauce or a

paste?

Also, does the flavor packet and water mixture in Top Ramen count

as broth-based? And if so, does Coor’s Light go with that?

Finally, can someone at the Olive Garden shed some light on the

timeless debate: Which came first? Very hot or del scorcho?

If I could get the answers to these questions, I think I might

finally be considered for the upper echelon of culinary society.

If Alfredo and pesto are not saucy enough for you this March, you

can also celebrate: American Red Cross Month, National Craft Month,

National Feminine Empowerment Month, National Frozen Food Month

(largely celebrated in my home), National Nutrition Month, National

Peanut Month and (couldn’t have sauce month without it) National

Noodle month.

Now, who says there are no major holidays in March. Season’s

greetings!

* LOLITA HARPER writes columns Mondays, Wednesdays and Fridays

and covers culture and the arts. She may be reached at (949) 574-4275

or by e-mail at [email protected].