Speak up, or the bad guy wins

One of the duties we all have is to speak up whenever we see

something wrong. Over the years, however, the definition of what is

really wrong has changed, making it difficult for parents to teach

this concept to their kids.

Not too long ago, for example, anyone who used a four-letter word

in public was likely to be called on it. Today, however, bad language

is tolerated, even when it is spoken by pre-teens.

It was about 18 months ago that I wrote in this space about a

cluster of bad language incidents that I encountered both on the road

and in town. Each time, I asked the speaker to stop and, each time, I

received an apology. There were three incidents in a period of about

one month.

Speaking up is more than just not tolerating bad language.

Speaking up means that when you see a parent obviously mistreating a

child, as I did once in a museum, you call the parent on it. It means

that you not only do not tolerate prejudice, injustice or incivility,

you are ready to speak up when you see it and are ready to accept the

consequences when you do.

There is less speaking up these days, except by people with a

camera in their face. Most of the time, those people are not speaking

up, they are grandstanding. Speaking up is a lost art, gone away with

activities such as letter writing and sitting on the porch.

Instead of speaking up, we are quieting down. Oh, sure, there are

still a few speakers around these days, but more and more they are

being drowned out by the legions of folks who don’t want to hear

about the dark side because they’re just too busy trying to get

through the day.

Those who are speaking out against the coming war with Iraq have

my respect. That I may disagree with them is not the point. I respect

them for lawfully and civilly voicing their opinion.

I recall my own objections to another war 30 years ago and how we

were called traitors. It was only about six years ago that the some

of the architects of that war, including Robert McNamara and William

Westmoreland, vindicated us, offering euphemisms for the death and

destruction by saying that “mistakes were made” and that they made

“errors in judgment.”

I am trying to teach my kids to speak up. I am trying to help them

understand that if they see something wrong and they don’t speak up,

the bad guys win.

The bad guys, you see, don’t like people who speak up, people who

challenge. They use fear and intimidation to keep the rest of us

quiet. And when those tactics don’t work, they resort to threats,

violence or both.

More and more, the bad guys are winning. More and more, we are

being conditioned to accept a lower standard of conduct simply

because we are too tired or too uninspired to speak up.

I have yet to meet a parent who is not concerned about the trash

on television, the graphic magazine covers at the checkout stand at

the supermarket or the suggestive music videos that kids are allowed

to watch.

But I doubt that any of them have spoken up about any of these

concerns. Why? Because we’ve been conditioned to believe that nothing

will be done to correct the situation and because we do not want to

draw attention to ourselves. Better to go along with what everyone

else thinks is OK than to be branded as a troublemaker.

So, we keep quiet. And little by little, the envelope gets pushed

farther and farther until the new, lower standards become the norm.

And those of us who believe otherwise, who do take the steps to speak

up, are called names.

Some of us even receive threats.

Well, I’m sorry, but this citizen will not let the bad guys win.

And I’m working on my kids to make them understand that silence is

approval, that silence gives the bad guys more power.

It’s not an easy concept for kids to understand. My kids are at an

age when they are desperate for peer approval and when being an

outcast is just about the same as death.

I keep telling them to be strong, to speak up, not to back down

and to be prepared to suffer the consequences of people who just

don’t care enough.

It’s a hard concept to explain to a kid. But I see their childhood

disappearing too fast, and I believe that this is too important to

ignore.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer.

Readers may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at

(949) 642-6086.