The Verdict -- Judge Gardner

I have decided to grow a beard. Now, I must admit that the decision,

important though it may be to me, does not come close to Caesar’s

decision to cross the Rubicon or Abraham Lincoln’s decision to go to the

Ford Theatre.

Nevertheless, trivial though the issue may be, the decision has been

made. When I was a judge, they always said Gardner was never afraid to

make a decision. Not necessarily a good one, but always a decision. No

dillydallying around. Same with this one. Woke up one morning and decided

not to shave -- a firm decision, but based on past experience, not

necessarily the wisest one.

My first experience with a beard came when my wife and I and another

couple took a romantic houseboat trip down the Florida Keys. The first

night was great -- cocktails on deck with the sun setting in the

background. Unhappily, that night a hurricane showed up, and we spent the

rest of the trip trying not to run aground. Little things like shaving we

didn’t worry about. When the ordeal was over, we returned to Miami with

me sporting a pretty good beginning to a beard.

I was in an elevator in the hotel when I noticed a man admiring my

beard. “I just started it,” I said, stroking it proudly. “What do you

think?”

“Until you asked, I thought you were an old bum,” the man replied.

I went up to our room and shaved it off.

My next endeavor with a beard occurred on a trip to Europe. My

electric shaver wouldn’t work, and I couldn’t find the necessary

attachments, so when we got home, I again had a good beard started. I was

quite proud of it. However, I finally decided to shave it off because it

itched.

At that time there was a barber shop in the locker room of what was

then called Irvine Coast Country Club. I went in to have them do away

with my beard, reluctantly because I thought it added a lot to my

appearance. I may have been mistaken because all the assembled card

players and golfers stood up and cheered when I came out of the barber

shop sans beard.

After those experiences, I haven’t the foggiest idea why I have

decided to grow another beard. I’m just a masochist, I guess. Or maybe

lazy.

* ROBERT GARDNER is a Corona del Mar resident and a former judge. His

column runs Tuesdays.