COMMENTS & CURIOSITIES

Peter Buffa

It was a very nice party. Or so I was told. I wasn’t there, but I

heard about it from the mother of one of the guests. Fun, stylish, just

what you’d expect a Newport Beach birthday bash to be.

Portia Colt, the 11-year-old birthday girl, asked her mother if she

could invite her best friends. Five to be exact. Portia’s mom, Stephanie,

didn’t relish the idea of six little darlings charging around the house

and wisely decided to move the festivities to the Park Avenue Cafe on

Balboa Island. Very nice place, the Park Avenue Cafe, but not the first

place that comes to mind for a kid’s birthday party.

But who knows what goes on in the mind of an 11-year-old golden

retriever? Yes, Rex, Portia is a pooch. I don’t know what your last

birthday party was like, but I’ll bet it wasn’t as nice as Portia’s.

Cats or dogs. Which are you? The balance of power between cat and dog

lovers has shifted back and forth for years. These days, it’s all dogs.

People are bonkers for them, especially around here. I’m surprised there

are any cats left.

There are dog bakeries, dog boutiques, dog-friendly restaurants, dog

wines (nonalcoholic), dog parties and yes, dog therapists for dogs with

issues.

Today, dogs go where they have never gone before. It’s not at all

unusual to walk into an office and find someone’s dog curled up beside a

desk or a conference table. Personally, I always enjoy giving a

presentation while someone’s bull mastiff is determined to find out

what’s in my pocket. Without a doubt, this is the Golden Age of Dogs.

Cats are not amused. But then, they never are.

I found out about Portia Colt’s party from Scarlett Tyson, a wonderful

standard poodle who lives on Balboa Island and a good friend I’ve known

for years and years. Scarlett led me to Portia’s mom, Stephanie Colt, who

was kind enough to send me one of the printed invitations for Portia’s

pup party.

And we’re not talking about some pre-printed thing from Sav-On that

says “We’re having a party!” with a few balloons sprinkled here and

there. Please.

This is a full-on red, white and blue design, centered on a photo of

Portia in her party hat. “It’s my Woof-day!” screams the header. The

tagline is “Dog Bless America, My Bone Sweet Bone.” The line just below

Portia’s photo reads “Psst, pups. It’s really me, Portia Colt. Can you

believe it?”

When it came time to party hearty, the guest list was a canine Who’s

Who of Newport Beach. In addition to Scarlett Tyson, there was Jak, a

yellow Labrador; Mikala, a golden retriever; Ike, also a yellow Labrador,

and El Jefe, the bulldog. Ike, who is apparently the Shaquille O’Neil of

Labradors, made a grand entrance, and El Jefe had a momentary breach in

party manners, which we’ll get to in a moment.

No self-respecting dog would show up at a birthday party without a

gift and Portia did very well. It seems if you live in Newport Beach and

you are a dog, a gift from The Barkery is what sends your tail into a

frenzy. The Barkery also provided the individual birthday cakes, which

were a big hit, especially with Ike the jumbo lab, who had a hard time

grasping the concept of “individual” cakes. As many times as they

explained it to him, Ike was sure it meant his cake was his, and their

cakes were his.

The cakes, by the way, were heavy on the peanut butter, which I guess

dogs like even more than people do. Actually, let’s take a moment to

clarify this “dog-friendly” business. Park Avenue Cafe owner Bill

Hardesty is happy to accommodate pooches on the patio, but it doesn’t

mean you can stroll inside with your bow-wow buddy and ask for a table

for two. Even dog lovers have limits.

Speaking of limits -- that brings us to El Jefe the bulldog. The party

was going fine. Humans and nonhumans alike were mingling, exchanging

pleasantries, trying to protect their food from Ike. El Jefe had been to

the bar a few too many times and he needed to, well, he had to go, all

right? He had to go bad. He tried not to think about it. He wormed, he

wiggled, he squirmed. But there comes a time when a bulldog has to do

what a bulldog has to do.

El Jefe looked around for something familiar. Among all the shoes and

cuffs, he found just the right thing, with just the right scent. It had

just the right scent because it was a doggie bed. Unfortunately, it was

the doggie bed that Portia had just gotten as her primo birthday gift. It

took a while for anyone to realize what El Jefe was up to because, let’s

face it, even when a bulldog does lift his leg, how can you tell? Before

anyone could stop him, El Jefe had locked onto his target, aimed and

fired. Talk about a show stopper.

There was a momentary panic and a rush of apologies. Portia was very

understanding, but El Jefe just wanted to find a hole and crawl inside.

In an effort to make him feel better, Ike pulled El Jefe aside, pointed

at his cake and said “You gonna finish that?” So there you have it.

Portia Colt and her Balboa birthday bash. If you plan one for your pup,

make sure the cakes are peanut butter. And if you invite Ike, order a few

extra. I gotta go.

* PETER BUFFA is a former Costa Mesa mayor. His column runs Sundays.

He may be reached via e-mail at [email protected].