YOUNG CHANG -- NOTEBOOK

Freud would say it’s a fear of sex. My pastor would venture it’s a

fear of evil. Me? I’ve no desire to learn why I’m terrified of/get chills

at the thought of/have nightmares about snakes. I’ve forever been this

way and am fine not knowing why.

I can’t touch them, can’t look at them, can’t even play with stuffed

dolls of them.

Ugh. Just the thought even . . .

But it’s soon St. Patrick’s Day. On Saturday, people will pinch you

for not wearing green and pass out clover stickers to ward off the

stigma.

I’m here to remind you of a perhaps lesser known St. Patrick’s Day

connection. Legend has it that the sheep-herder-turned-saint rang a bell

and drove the snakes out of Ireland.

My editor, albeit gently, suggested I write about snakes and their

owners. I agreed -- on the condition that I’d do all of my interviews

over the phone -- and so I’ve thought and talked about snakes all week.

About two, in particular.

A couple of exotic types were reported missing Tuesday from a Fountain

Valley pet store called Prehistoric Pets. Did you hear about that? Did

you see the segment on the news? I turned away. I always do.

In elementary school, I slapped Post-It notes on photos of snakes in

my science book because, without doing that, I couldn’t read the words on

the page.

In college, I avoided citywide outdoor carnivals held on campus --

somebody was bound to be walking around wearing snakes like scarves.

I have nightmares about them almost every month and wake up screaming

because in my dreams they are wrapped around me.

The other day, Joy McNamara of Newport Beach told me her ball python

-- named Sonya -- likes to slide around her shoulders and hang out near

her face when the two are watching television.

I winced.

“I know this is a weird question, but what does a snake feel like?” I

asked.

“Oh, well, let me feel her. She’s sitting on my bed right now.”

This was all over the phone.

“Well, they feel really . . . muscular. You can feel the muscles when

they move. The skin is really smooth.”

McNamara said she is fascinated by snakes. Sonya is beautifully

patterned in shades of brown and tan, she said.

Laura Noss, a reptile specialist at Petco in Costa Mesa, said she

thinks reptiles in general are God’s special creatures.

“I really do,” she emphasized. “[I think that] when he made them, that

he must’ve really thought of something wonderful and great. For snakes,

just the way they’re designed, with no legs, they come in so many

patterns and colors and variations, and how beautiful their eyes are.”

“Really?”

“Their eyes are just gorgeous.”

“Do you find snakes cute? The way people find dogs and cats cute?”

“She’s asking me if I find snakes cute!” Noss exclaimed to a

co-worker. “I find snakes cute. They’re adorable. They’re sweethearts.

It’s hard not to get attached to them because they’re so adorable.”

Noss added that she believes she was put on Earth to work with

reptiles.

“I believe that’s my passion. I believe that’s what God wants me to

do,” she said.

Both Noss and McNamara once feared snakes. They agreed that getting to

know them -- how they don’t bite or retaliate unless provoked -- helped

kill the fear.

Not me. I’m content in my terror and don’t plan to outgrow it, ever.

My worst enemy would be a well-intentioned soul wanting to help me

overcome my phobia via exposure. Put me in a room with a snake, and I’ll

probably pass out.

But I believe it’s possible to not live in harmony with snakes. I’ve

been doing it all my life and will continue to do so.

It’ll be fine. I’ll just stay away from outdoor fairs and wait in the

car while everyone else enters the pet store. I’ll avoid tropical islands

and barren deserts and wear knee-high boots when treading questionable

patches of grass.

What else can I do? St. Patrick’s not exactly around. Msgr. Bill

McLaughlin at Newport Beach’s Our Lady Queen of Angels grew up in Ireland

and said he’s never seen a snake there, except in the circus.

But I’m not moving to Ireland, and St. Pat didn’t leave me his bell. I

seem to be the odd one out in a world with societies not only for orchid

growers, barbershop singers and bird watchers, but also snake lovers.

Yes, herpetologists.

It’s just me and my phobia.

* YOUNG CHANG covers the features beat for the Daily Pilot.