STEVE SMITH -- What’s up?

Swan Drive in Costa Mesa is a nice, quiet street with homes on the

south side of the Mesa Verde neighborhood that back up to the north end

of Fairview Park.

The park, you may recall, is a scruffy parcel of land about the size

of two Disneylands, but that’s just my rough estimate. Running through

Fairview Park is Placentia Avenue.

Several of the residents on the south side of Swan Drive have taken it

upon themselves to annex portions of Fairview Park, which is owned by

Costa Mesa. The expanded property lines are a few hundred square feet

each, except for one enterprising homeowner who seems to have plans to

gather enough public land to raise cattle.

It should be noted that not all Swan Drive residents have annexed

public land.

The debate in town has been whether the residents are doing anything

illegal or immoral or both since the land they’ve grabbed is rarely used

by anyone. The same claim could be made about the entire Fairview Park.

On Jan. 1, I made the first of two trips to the land of the scofflaw

squatters to see for myself what the fuss was all about. At 9 a.m., there

were six people in the park, not including the members of the

radio-controlled glider club who were conducting their preflight checks.

(I’m in the park often and it’s occurred to me that these guys do a lot

more checking than they do flying. It reminds me of the “fishermen” who

bring more beer than bait, but that’s another column.)

At 3 p.m., I ventured back out with my crack investigative reporting

team, which consisted of my wife, Cay, my daughter, Bean, my son, Roy,

and his friend Kohl Jones. We rode our bikes over to the property lines

of the Swan Drive homes and began our investigation. Here’s what I

learned:

1. The population of Fairview Park triples in the afternoon. There

must have been 18 people in the huge park Jan. 1.

2. The homeowners who have taken over the most land -- sizable pieces

of property -- have filled it with cheap plastic furniture, a garden that

couldn’t grow weeds and a satellite dish that is now being used as a

coffee table or a wading pool -- I couldn’t tell.

3. The famous tiki bar is a huge disappointment. I had hoped to be

invited over the fence for mint julep or perhaps even something a little

more lively, but the tiki bar is out of commission and needs a pick-me-up

in a hurry.

4. The crack team was more interested in tossing pebbles into a nearby

wash than assisting me in my efforts to win a Pulitzer Prize for

investigating this story.

We came away with one main conclusion we did not think was possible:

These encroachers have actually made their annexations look worse than

the park itself.

The curious part is that the city doesn’t seem to care. Instead of

immediately issuing an order to get off the public land and return it to

its natural scruffiness, city officials chose to have a hearing or hire a

consultant or perform some other form of bureaucratic nonsense.

Webster Guillory doesn’t seem to have any trouble making a decision on

this one. He told me the Swanies are guilty of something called “adverse

possession of public land.”

“The homeowners cannot take public land,” he said. Take Guillory’s

word for it and don’t question him -- he’s the county assessor.

So here’s my plan: Because the homeowners claim a right to the land

because “no one” uses it and because the city cannot see its way clear to

chasing them off, I am hereby annexing all of Fairview Park and claiming

it as my own.

The park is obviously used far below its capacity and the city doesn’t

seem to care whether citizens take over its property, so I am now the

rightful owner. And according to the guidelines Guillory told me, I won’t

have to pay any property tax.

Those glider guys can stay in my park. And the train people too. The

rest of you will have to cough up a contribution to my new and improved

tiki bar if you want to visit.

* * *

My brother-in-law, Bud West, reads the Daily Pilot online from his

home in Stockton. He is an elementary school principal who knows his

stuff, and when he tells me I’ve made a mistake, I listen. Last week, I

credited the artist Christo with erecting a curtain across a California

canyon. It was, in fact, a yellow fence in Sonoma County. I am sorry for

the error.

* STEVE SMITH is a Costa Mesa resident and freelance writer. Readers

may leave a message for him on the Daily Pilot hotline at (949) 642-6086.